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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes. [b]But almost every kid bullies at some point[/b]—not all are persistent regular bullies, but every kid in elementary school does something callous and cruel, says something hurtful, or gets caught up in the moment and finds themselves laughing and playing along as someone else gets picked on — it's very normal, and a good kid will realize they did something wrong, and will feel bad and try not to ever do it again. True bullies keep it up.

So much bullying can be so subtle, something that only the victim knows how terribly painful it is...

So I'd say, in a lot of cases, no, the parents don't know... but if it's the kind of thing that keeps up, any decent parent will catch on. Some are oblivious, some don't know what to do, some are fine with it, etc.[/quote]

Nope, there are only very few actual bullies. Most kids are not bullies themselves, but go along, ignore, don't care etc when someone is bullied by a bully. Then there exist kids who are bullied - a small number as well.

Please stop relativizing bullying and bullies. No, not everyone is a bully, in fact, very few kids are. But they who are, are nasty, way worse than most adults.[/quote]

I've seen my kid treat another child the way they shouldn't and I did what a parent is supposed to do and I corrected the behavior and used it to help them be a better person.

You pretend your kid doesn't hurt people's feelings, but they do and people look at you very differently from how you look at yourself. It would be better to teach your child that it's okay to make mistakes as long as you try to be better than to teach them that they're never wrong, which is a lie and will only lead them to hurt others more as they get older. 
Well, the oblivious parent of a bully just showed up.

All kids bully. Not all kids carry out brutal campaigns of persecution physically and emotionally battering helpless kids, but if you've ever spent more than 8 minutes with a classroom of elementary school students or 3 minutes with a classroom of middle school students, or any time with any number of high school students, you will know their propensity for insensitive and cruel remarks and pack behavior that leaves someone out. YOU, dear poster, have 100 percent bullied someone. Hopefully it was brief, it was some small slight, smirk, exclusion, etc. and not a serious pattern of behavior. But you did it. And your kids did it.

[b]And it's not relativizing anything, it's a reality.[/b] If you're a good parent, you note it and you help your child understand right from wrong, and you teach them about decency, respect, honesty, sympathy, empathy, etc. and you put them on the right track... no one is born perfect, and if you, as a parent, have never had to gently support your child in teaching them a better way to treat others, you're not doing it right. I suspect you have and I suspect you know it, but i suspect you're ashamed because you have some unhealthy idea of the way children are supposed to act.

A child making a misstep is normal. A child exhibiting a pattern of cruel behavior is not. Bad parenting turns the former into the latter. [/quote]

Reality is that some kids are bullies and some aren't. Some kids are bad, in many cases, irredeemably so, and some aren't.

Your kid is one of the nasty ones. Which is why you keep showing on every topic explaining how there is a little bully in everyone.

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I've seen my kid treat another child the way they shouldn't and I did what a parent is supposed to do and I corrected the behavior and used it to help them be a better person.

please stop. your kid has clearly never been bullied, or you wouldn't be using anodyne terms such as "hurting feelings" or "being unkind". you have no clue what you are talking about, ok?[/quote]

Not sure what you're trying to accomplish. Bullying is bad, a lot of kids unwittingly do cruel things and their parents can't imagine it. That's part of the larger picture, not sure why you're thrashing so hard against that. [/quote]

because you are relativizing bullying. for you, bullying is everything ("being unkind" or "saying things that shouldn't be said") and everybody is a bit of a bully. you have repeatedly said, here and elsewhere (i remember you from previous discussions), that my kid, who has been relentlessly bullied for a year by a group of jealous, mean girls to a point we had to change schools (advice by 3 different psychiatrist as absolutely urgent), is also a little bit of a bully. if not today, then tomorrow. just like all of us.

in reality, bullying is rare, and very few kids are bullies. in our case, a lot of kids went along with the bullies, out of conformity, fear for their own status, because they simply didn't care or they didn't know my child well. those kids are not paragons of morality, they will not stand up for bullies etc, but they are not bullies and would, on their own, not instigate 1% of what was done to my child.[/quote]

I’m sorry your kid was bullied, but casually telling people that things they have experienced are not bullying because you don’t view at as severe as what your child experienced only serves to normalize bullying.

All bullying - the severe kind that happened to your child and the bullying that other children experience that you don’t know much about but declare is not as severe - is wrong. That’s it. 
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