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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.

It is hard to back off when I'm called at work by a desperate mother because my father raged at the gerontologist and ran out of the office on to a street next to a busy road, with the doctor and my mom in hot pursuit. They couldn't find him. Fortunately I was able to track him via phone and directed the doctor how to find him using landmarks such as oh he's next to a pond on this street.  Or she's calling and texting about how he shoved her and she shoved him back.

My sister and I feel completely helpless to help either of them. She only wants thoughts and prayers and repeats what a priest told her- that this is her burden and cross to bear.

She's desperate for him to age in place which we aren't disagreeing with, but if she dies first due to all the stress of this, we will have no choice to put him in a home which is precisely what she doesn't want. And we have told her as such but it's her cross to bear.

I guess I'm focused on semantics because people in our family think she won't get help because she thinks it's dementia and not Alzheimer's.  She doesn't see how bad it will get because she saw how my grandmother lived to 102 with dementia and she thinks that's how it will go for him too.  [/quote]

This sounds horrible.  I had a similar situation with my fathers denial about my mothers Alzheimer’s.  We eventually got him to hire in home caregivers by enlisting help from the social worker at my mother’s doctors practice.  It was a large geriatrics practice affiliated with a hospital so they had experience with these issues and were persistent (calling when he avoided coming in etc).  Quality of the in home providers was not the best honestly but it helped at least stop The elopement.  Then things hit rock bottom again later and ultimately when she was hospitalized for evaluation after a reaction to a medication,  her doctors and the hospital social worker  convinced him she could not safely be returned to the home without better and more extensive in home providers, and that finally persuaded him that memory care was necessary.  [/quote]

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