Reply to Is couples therapy a sham for some ?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]couples therapy is usually about one partner having an expectation that the other one just needs to understand and they will do so if they just listen better. It's not about actually finding compromises and mediating differences. [/quote]

Then what happens? The belligerent bad actor one doesn’t listen or respond and just railroads over everything with their own narrative and victim view? [/quote]

the one who thinks the other one just "needs to be fixed" either learns that (s)he is the one who needs fixing, or that you can't fix other people.

Every argument my wife and I had for many years, for instance, came down to her believing that I just needed to be told/explained in a different way, and then the problem will be solved. Her first assumption was almost never that maybe SHE needed to change something. Of course I'm not saying I didn't/don't need to change things, but I do change them when told to/asked to, etc.  For a long time, she thought if we went to therapy, this smart third-person could tell her dipshit husband (me) that he was wrong, and make him understand, and it turns out the over-priced dimwit therapist just told DW that, actually, sometimes people are different, and that's okay, and that if everyone compromises (not just exclusively your dipshit husband) your problems will go away. And they did. But, I also knew all of that, and 15 minutes of thinking about the problem seriously, could've saved us a lot of money. But it helped my wife to hear it from someone who cost a lot of money and didn't appear to be qualified enough to be a dance teacher or SAHM.

Either way, think hard about yourself first, and then, with the awareness that you can only change yourself and not others, decide whether you want to waste money. [/quote]

wow you sound like a winner! I definitely believe you’re a reliable narrator. [/quote]

I dunno if I’m a winner but I’m still married and my wife was surprised to hear that she was the one being problematic by being inflexible and close minded. I’m not gloating, the whole exercise was a waste of time, I always knew that that communication and compromise will get you where you want to go.

So, ladies, be careful what you wish for. [/quote]

yeah I’m sure the therapist told her she was all in the wrong and uyou were all in the right.

if you were so “sure” about communication and compromise, why couldn’t you do it prior to therapy?[/quote]

The therapist obviously didn’t say it that bluntly because that would have saved a lot of time and money. There are obvious solutions to most problems in a marriage - communication and compromise - but therapists don’t get paid if they tell you that right away. It took a couple grand for my wife to finally drag it out or the therapist and it was couched in a lot of bs therapy speak. But we (not the therapist) sat down and talked and she said she realized she thought the therapist was going to instruct me to listen to my wife more and stop arguing but she realized that I was trying hard to compromise - that because of her own parents relationship she thought of everything too black and white and that I was giving grey, blah blah blah

I did communicate and compromise before therapy - it was my wife that had the problem. She was surprised to learn that.[/quote]

Are you honestly still on here saying it was entirely your wife’s problem? And you had no possible way to exercise your wonderful communication and compromise skills until the therapist set your wife straight? Lol dude. [/quote]

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