Reply to Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?

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Reply to "Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn’t want to be equal on that basis. I’d want to be better than that. 
[/quote]

You don’t get it. It’s not about being “better than.” It’s getting to expand your horizons just like your spouse did. For that matter, a relationship premised forever on you being better than your spouse doesn’t sound that great. [/quote]

You don’t get it.

You are just trying to justify revenge cheating. Why?  Do whatever you want. You asked what others would do and they answered. They aren’t arguing with you over what you have done or want to do. Go ahead. Have at it. 
[/quote]

It’s not “revenge” cheating in OP’s scenario. It’s just, having a (hopefully) very fun fling to clear the air and regain some agency. I realize that for most women the stars do not always align to find a ONS partner that will provide that, but if the opportunity presented itself? Nobody will fault you. And it seems potentially a more healthy response than spending the rest of your life primly insisting you would never ever stoop to such a level that your craven spouse did. [/quote]

Regain some agency?  In this scenario the way to regain agency is to leave the cheater.[/quote]

I just find this a really curious attitude. I generally roll my eyes at “open marriage” people, but the one scenario I can personally imagine it making a ton of sense is in the wake of an affair (provided the opportunity). I’d much rather replace thoughts of betrayal with memories of a nice fling. Not sure why this is a worse outcome than tanking the marriage. [/quote]

Does your view really make sense?

If having a revenge affair is a “nice fling,” then why would you be upset enough about your spouse having an affair that you would want “revenge?”

Either an affair is a gross betrayal of the person you love or it is sexy tempting fun.  Acknowledging that perhaps it is both adds some nuance to the conversation that most people who are betrayed don’t seem to feel.  If you think that it is a ton of fun, why do you blame your spouse for trying it?  If you think that the experience of sleeping around outside the marriage has inherent value, does that mean you understand why your spouse gave in and did it?  Let them know that it sounds fun and you’re going to try it out too.  What is the point of sneaking around?  That creates guilt.  Just open the marriage in that case.[/quote]

An affair is sexy tempting fun to the one having it. To the other partner it’s not a shocking betrayal if they themselves had an affair. It’s not a gross beytrayal because the other spouse already opened the door - that’s the whole argument. [/quote]

An affair is "sexy tempting fun" to jerks and creeps and low-integrity people. You're either one of them, or you're not. Getting cheated on doesn't tend to make those of us who don't cheat feel horny; betrayal isn't an aphrodisiac for most people. So if you're not already a cheater, you're unlikely to become one if/when your spouse cheats.

Cheating is always a gross betrayal to people who value their integrity. That's why it hurts so badly to get cheated on: you realize what a low-down dirty person someone you trusted turned out to be.[/quote]

If that’s your take then get divorced. [/quote]

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