Reply to Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?

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Reply to "Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP here, my issue is the kids are a big part of my life.  I want to spend time with them every single day until they are in college…I can get over the anger of the betrayal( temporarily at least) by engaging in a few long term flings myself.  And maybe with time I can forgive.

I would rather not get divorced now and share custody. So my solution is to have my fun on the side( secretly) and hold things together. The revenge fling is giving me enough of a dopamine high that I can fake that everything is fine for now and it pacifies my anger.

I didn’t ask to be in this predicament. But it’s the best I can do to hold things together.

[quote=Anonymous]I’m not going to lose my integrity to get my revenge. I will get it in a settlement. [/quote][/quote]

NP here.  I’m not going to get on an integrity high horse.  However, I do believe in that saying that “revenge/anger/resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.  If in the aftermath while you are deciding what you want to do, I see no problem with exploring to see if you want to stay married or want to have an open relationship.  I also don’t see an issue with agreeing to stay for the kids but both able to be with other people.  But I think if you have committed to working on the relationship with that person and forgiving the person having a revenge affair is counterproductive to that process.  If the person that cheated isn’t committed to working on the relationship - I would assume they would stay in the affair/cheat again so I would make the decisions from there what I want to accept or do.  In fact, part of the reason I wouldn’t want to stay just for the kids is I just don’t believe both people will be faithful for 5, 10, 15 more years if there isn’t that desire from both to get to the point you want to stay married for yourself and each other when the kids are gone. [/quote]

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