Reply to Non-monogamy: dealbreaker? or am I being close-minded?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's understandable that he wants to expand his sexual experiences if he has had 1 partner for majority of his life. Why don't you go with the status quo for now. Maybe he'll be ready for monogamy once he's had some time. [i]Also, if someone is smitten in love, they naturally would not pursue others.[/i]

Good sex is one of the greatest pleasures in life. I didn't realize this until I had lovers who valued sex and the experiential aspects of it. I learned things about myself that I never would have if I didn't explore. I think it's good and healthy to explore. Just practice safe sex.
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True words!  None of those poly open people are smitten in love. It's all casual sex. They can even "cheat' on each other.[/quote]

If I wanted casual sex, I'd be having casual sex. It's not exactly difficult to find and it's less stigmatized than being ENM. [/quote]

The reason this guy wants ENM is that it will get him casual sex plus emotional support from a woman. He wants to e able to have sex with OP when they are in the same city but also maintain a "relationship" that includes phone calls and caring for each other's well being that he cannot get from just casual sex.

But as someone who doesn't want to sleep with other men (and is bothered by the idea of her boyfriend sleeping with other women) this arrangement will always pale in comparison to what OP actually wants. Plus it poses a question as to whether her boyfriend is just having sex with other women or is also getting emotional intimacy from them. It is one thing to argue that someone can ethically have sex with multiple people at the same time. It is something else to argue that one person can ethically share emotional intimacy with several partners at once. This is almost always where polyamory and ENM hit road blocks. What happens when your dad dies and you call your boyfriend and he can't support you because he's got to be there for his other girlfriend who is waiting on test results or dealing with a difficult issue with her child.

Time and energy is finite and monogamy accounts for this fact of life. Polyamory dances around it and often fails becasue of it.[/quote]

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