Reply to Where to get help? I am running out of money, taking care of my mom.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She’s medically eligible. She lost her ability to swallow and lives on a permanent feeding tube and is also on oxygen.[/quote]

I mean this kindly. Putting in a permanent feeding tube was probably not the way to go. Especially since she is also on oxygen. Both of my siblings are doctors. They adore my parents, but they are adamant that we are not going to put them on feeding tubes. They say they are painful to insert and that quality of life is dreadful. They have discussed this with my parents and have had them fill out DNRs, advanced directive saying no feeding tubes, etc. And my parents have loads of money and we could afford to support them for decades with full time care. Money is not the issue. Quality of life is.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad because if I didn't have doctors in my family I wouldn't have known all this.

But the problem here is your mother should have been allowed to die rather than getting a feeding tube.

I don't know if you are able to take a feeding tube out once it has been inserted. But if you can do that and get her put in hospice and let her die, I think you should. The medical community failed both of you if they didn't explain all of this to you.

This is ruining your life and for what? Your mother's QoL is terrible.[/quote]

OP, Sadly this is a consideration.  I'm not a huge proponent of hospice but recently had Mom in hospice for 18 months until she passed and we had access to free RN's, social workers, and chaplains at the house.  The last 4 months the RN's came out 3 times a week.

In Maryland you can self refer to hospice at least I've done it twice in Wicomico County.  Call the local hospice and they will send an RN out or a PA out and talk over your situation and options.

I saw you have one caregiver for Mom 40 hours a week.  Is Mom continent? Able to walk to the bathroom on her own? Can she get to the bathroom with a walker?  Can Mom communicate her wishes to you?  Is she still cognitive?  Does she get outside? Is Mom able to use the phone to call 911 in case of fire or emergency?  In case of fire is Mom able to evacuate the condo on her own if a fire breaks out after the caregiver leaves? My concern is Mom's safety after the caregiver goes home at the end of her shift.

The hospice social workers can facilitate other housing for Mom and access other forms of financial assistance if Mom qualifies.

There is no charge to have hospice come out and talk to you. You are not committed to work with them unless you sign the contract. I'd probably have them out to meet your Mom and caregiver and see what kind of options they can suggest.

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