Reply to Is it appropriate for a group of people to speak a foreign language in front of a non speaker?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]If her inlaws didn't speak English, it wouldn't be an option and they would have to speak in their native tongue. However, inlaws and DH are fluent in English. For whatever reason, OP does not speak their language. Therefore, they are making an intentional choice to speak in a language which all members of the dinner party do not understand when there is a language available which is shared by everyone at that table.

It may not be mean-spirited, but it is intentional. [/quote]

I agree.  I'm multi-lingual.  I don't speak the language of my DH's family but I do understand a good bit.  My DH's family are ALL fluent in English and have university degrees from the US (much like OP's ILs).  DH and I actually went to counseling about this issue because it was okay for me to be deliberately excluded (yes, it was intentional) and made to feel uncomfortable but it wasn't okay for him to make them uncomfortable by bringing up their rudeness.  I'd been all over the world, in countries where I didn't speak the language, yet I was never made to feel as uncomfortable as I was by DH's family.  I finally told him (with the counselor in the room) that I wouldn't be going to any more of his family events.  I was done.  I had no interest in learning to speak the language of people who were intentionally excluding me.  I didn't need his family and I have family and friends of my own that do enjoy my company.

This went on for a couple of years.  When I found out I was pregnant, DH's family changed their tune.  I guess they realized that if our kids were to know anything about their side of the family, their culture and their language that it would happen through me and not DH since DH is not good at maintaining ties.  We've reach a level of detente and our kids are in a language immersion program learning to speak the language of DH's family and have good relations with the kids in their families.  I'm cordial and civil but it was tough getting to this place.[/quote]

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