Reply to Trying to avoid failure to launch adults

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Trying to avoid failure to launch adults"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You avoid failure to launch by doing the work when they are young. Build them up, help them find a sense of self and a sense of purpose. Encourage their interests and invest in opportunities to grow and deepen those interests. Get them academic support if they need it. Give them chances to grow their confidence and make sure they feel secure in your love for them and their place in your family.

Model healthy adult behaviors -- healthy eating, regular exercise, positive social lives with friends and family who contribute to well being. Teach them about financial responsibility from a young age and give them opportunities to see the benefit of saving and investing in the future.

Parents whose kids flounder in their 20s or even 30s will claim they did all this but they didn't. A well-raised person will not want to live at home doing nothing in adult hood. They might live at home for periods of time, to save for a downpayment or grad school, to help an ailing parent, to regroup after a job loss or breakup. That's fine and normal. But they won't get stuck there because they'll have the confidence and self-respect to go out and try again. Adults who don't have that didn't get the right support as minors.[/quote]

Are you a bot or an eager parent of elementary schoolers?

FYI, there are plenty of people that don’t eat healthy or exercise regularly, or have tons of friends who nevertheless launched very successfully.  There are people who weren’t loved, and that’s why they launched super fast - didn’t have a choice.

OTOH, the main thing for launching is to have life skills.  Low tolerance for frustration combined with low life skills is usually what lands the kids in their parents’ basement.  And then once they are past a certain age, those become major handicaps.[/quote]

The PP's post is spot on. They are specifically talking about life skills -- they talk about financial literacy, independence, knowing how to take care of yourself physically and socially. Those are life skills. Sure, also cooking and cleaning and driving. But those are easy things to learn compared to knowing how to manage time, manage money, do the things you need to stay reasonably healthy.

Sure, you can "launch" even if you are unhealthy or have no friends. But the likelihood of things go south is very high because what happens if you get laid off, hit a financial crisis, or get sick? You have no skills for getting yourself back on track. This is how kids wind up rebounding. They seem okay but then something goes wrong and they don't know how to deal with it as adults.

I think you are bothered by the first part, about building a sense of self, developing interests, and developing a life path they can follow. But that's important to. People need goals and something to live for. You have to help your kids develop that. Sure, one way to do that would be to just say "you're on your own" and then their goal is "survive" and they will launch really fast. But most parents don't want to do that. They want their kids in their lives, they want their kids to not have to struggle just to survive. And that's the trick. You can do it, but you need to be purposeful about how you raise your kids so that you don't wind up with a college age kid who just doesn't know what they want or where they are going. The advice the PP gave is reasonable for that.

I raised two kids to adulthood this way and it worked for us.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics