Reply to Help: 14 years boy told mom he is a gay.

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[quote=Anonymous]I am a gay woman. I had my first crush on a girl when I was 13, and came out at 15. It did not go well and my parents were not neutrally unsupportive but my mom in particular expressed disgust and made other ignorant comments. So I went back in the closet, put my actual desires on the WAY back burner, dated boys, married a man, had kids, then 12 years into that it all came tumbling down when I realized I could not keep doing it. It might have been possible to stay if my ex was a different kind of husband and father, but he was emotionally abusive and a narcissist who never considered me as an equal. When I realized that would never change, I decided it was time to leave, even if I would be single for the rest of my life.

I am divorced now and in a long term relationship with a woman. My family of origin has changed and become more supportive, and thankfully we have the financial resources that my kids lives did not have to be completely disrupted, but it has been hard for them. I did always want to have a family which is why it was kind of easy to go the route of marrying a man, but I wish things had been different and could have avoided pain for all involved.

OP, this is why you need to support your son now. He may be gay, or not. You did not say if your son actually had a crush on another boy. Maybe he is just more emotionally mature than other boys his age which is why he prefers to be friends with girls, and these particular girls are eager to play matchmaker. Or he could really be gay. Sexuality is a spectrum and kids are figuring themselves out, and now there is a lot of pressure for kids to figure out their “identity” at a young age. Please give him enough room to figure it out on his own. Make sure he knows you are on his side no matter what. Do not bring him to a doctor when there is nothing wrong with him. Also 14 is too young to be having sex. Just keep those communication channels open so that when he gets older and the time comes, he is prepared regardless of the gender of his partner.

Anecdotally, my teen DD told us she was a lesbian a couple of years ago, but now she is crushing on a boy and fantasizing about wedding dresses. So you never know. [/quote]

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