Reply to My school emails me nearly every day with a complaint about something dc has said and Idk what to do.

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Reply to "My school emails me nearly every day with a complaint about something dc has said and Idk what to do. "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - it's good to hear that you are doing meds and therapy. I'm a little unclear what kind of therapy?  Does he do any speech therapy for social pragmatic communication?  You said social skills group - was that recent? for an ADHD/ASD population? Does he have ongoing support from someone from that practice to discuss and dissect ongoing social interaction? Do you ever sit down with him and explain in a non-judgmental way - yes, everyone is roasting but there are subtle rules about in which situations it's OK, who can be a target and who can't, what subjects are always out of bounds, how different people perceive it, etc.  If you have an adult male in the house that explanation might be better coming from him - men roast each other, women don't, so TBH, your explanation of what you think the social rules are might be gendered.

You also might look at the "social thinking" curriculum of Michelle Garcia Winner.

I think it's very common for ASD and ADHD kids not to intuit implicit social rules and nuances.  That plus some verbal or physical impulsivity and/or emotional reactivity, can make for some social difficulties. Obvs, he's not a bad kid but doesn't know the rules of omission and commission. He's also got to learn to apologize and make amends.  And he may have to make a choice about how to be in the world - popular trash-talker or nice guy but not as popular.

Teachers and admin with a basic knowledge of ASHD and ASD should get this and explain privately to him.

Under the ADA private school is obliged to accommodate him - which may mean having adults redirect him or structure things a little more socially for him - but of course not to the degree of an IEP and "special instruction".  Be cautious that your private isn't trying to "constructively" counseling you out by making your DC so closely scrutinized and punished and without positive supports and learning that you self-counsel out. That could be grounds for a discrimination suit against the school. [/quote]

Op - this is so helpful Ty. I will look up that curriculum. 
He did not love the social skills class and at the time the school said he did not need it. He had been doing fine. In most of these situations he does seem to ‘get it.’ But I think you are totally correct that we need to zero in on this and dissect what is going wrong. He has already written multiple sorry notes over the past 10 days so now we need a new modality to attack the issue. I told the school I’d institute a total ban on roasting for the moment 
[/quote]

IMO, the thing about social skills class is they are not that easy to apply.  Russell Barkley has this thing he says about ADHD kids and moving support/correction up to the "point of performance", and I think it applies to social situations.

Is there a sympathetic teacher he could partner with - someone he could physically look to to get some kind of secret nod about his behavior. 
For example, when my ADHD kid wanted to quit sucking his thumb, he didn't want to be told by me to stop sucking his thumb, but I explained that sometimes when you are trying to make or break habits it helps to have a reminder. We worked out secret hand signal when I saw him doing it.  It really helped, and he was able to modify his behavior without much further help. [/quote]

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