Reply to Ranting about ex wife introducing our kids to her boyfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do the kids know she cheated on you with him? [/quote]

OP here. I withheld that information. In their best interest when we informed them about the divorce we said it was a joint decision.....my son though who has been usually quite when he is around her. With me he is himself but with her he is just quite. My daughter is fine like nothing new is happening which is great. [/quote]

I do not understand “covering” for her in this way.
Sorry but no.
This speaks to her integrity. And as parents we need to take responsibility for our actions and accept the consequences of our mistakes and poor judgment.
Even if that means saying “mom didn’t honor our vows and we are getting a divorce.” This doesn’t mean the marriage was perfect, but the kids do need to learn that there is a right and wrong way to end a marriage. SHE should be acknowledging that she made the poor choice to stay in the marriage and cheat rather than address any issues head on—even if her decision were to  leave or to “mutually end the marriage”….those are very very different from deceiving and humiliating your spouse by having an affair and then guilting him into covering for you “for the sake of the kids”
—Bull$&@$
It’s not for the sake of the kids.
It’s to save HER from looking bad and she knows it.
This isn’t about you taking the high road, OP.
It’s about you being humiliated once again and manipulated into taking the “mutual” fall so that your kids will welcome her new “boyfriend” into their lives with open hearts instead of with the disdain he deserves.[/quote]

+1
Agree with this poster.
You don’t need to be angry and nasty about it. [b]But it is okay to insist on speaking truth.[/b]
100% sure that she is the one who convinced OP that this was in the kids best interest 
[/quote]

Who’s truth and how much of it?

The kids will 100% understand and probably ask about this when they’re older. OP should absolutely not lie to them if asked. But if he opens the door by saying something like “your mother had an affair with *future stepfather* and that’s why we divorced” he will have opened the door to whatever his ex wife’s justification for the affair (and she has one in her mind) to also be shared as truth. So unless and until OP is ready for his children to hear his wife’s side of things, he should refrain from sharing his.[/quote]

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