Reply to Does anyone live in a community that is “too much” socially?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why wouldn't parents want their kids/teens to have neighborhood friends?  Why would they want anti social neighbors? A social neighborhood that does things is so much fun.[/quote]

I want my DD to have neighborhood friends but I don't need to be super close friends with their parents. That's the difference. I'm friendly with my neighbors but I'm not spending every weekend with them or traveling with them just to give my kid built in friends. I am not anti social at all but I find it stifling to be expected to spend ALL my free time socializing with neighbors and to revolve our family life around what other people in the neighborhood are doing.

We run into stuff like this why friend activities. Some of the other parents of same-age kids in the neighborhood want the kids to do the same activities all the time, on the same teams, at the same time. They'll want to coordinate to get kids on these same soccer teams and signed up of rate same session of everything. To me, this is annoying because (1) I don't want my family schedule to revolve around what works for the five other families with kids in the same grade -- we have different work schedules, different expectations, and (2) I think it's good for my kid to meet new kids and have friends in a variety of different settings. She has neighborhood friends and some school friends and some friends she just knows through dance and some friends she knows through us (as we are friends with their parents from before we had kids). Camp friends, etc.  Cousins. I do not need my kid to have some tight group of neighborhood pals with whom she does EVERYTHING, and I don't want that for myself either. IME, groups like that are very likely to run into friend drama because someone feels left out or because gossip is happening. But if you spread your socializing out, it's harder to feel left out -- if two of your neighborhood friends are closer to each other than they are to you, no big deal, you can go hang with your friends from some other setting. And there's no reason to gossip because your friends are not part of one, cohesive group so they don't all know each other and aren't all up in one another's business. It's healthier.

It's not neighborhood friends who are the problem. It's confining all your socializing to one small group who all know each other and never having time or will to spend time with others. I don't think that's healthy.[/quote]

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Group friendships are an investment--one that comes with costs, including being talked about occasionally. If you always have one foot out the door, then you'll be the first to be excluded.

Same goes for your kid, of course. If you don't want them to play sports or go to camp with the neighborhood kids, the friendships will naturally drift apart.  If your kid has other strong friendships, then it's all good. [/quote]

np. What pp is describing is absolutely attainable and many people's experience. It's not a "cake and eat it too" situation. Friendship and friend groups don't have to be so intense. [/quote]

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