Reply to Who should be responsible for the maintenance of parents' grave if you're an only child and you're not local?

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Reply to "Who should be responsible for the maintenance of parents' grave if you're an only child and you're not local?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Another only child here with a parent buried overseas. I think your uncle's comment was really passive-aggressive and meant as a reproach, albeit an indirect one. I agree with an earlier poster who said your relatives were probably annoyed because someone they knew pointed out the condition of the bush. Clearly, your relative took it personally as a reflection on themselves or the family name. They might also harbor negative feelings about you moving far away from home as an adult. All that is their problem, not yours.

Ignore them. It was rude of them to even bring it up to you and, if they cared so much, they could silently take care of the bush themselves or pay someone else to do it. I paid for someone to tend to my mother's grave several times a year for a while. Eventually the remains were moved to an ossuary, which doesn't require any tending. I don't visit the cemetary anymore when I go to my mother's home country. It's been almost 20 years. I choose other ways to honor my mother, like taking my daughter to my mother's home country regularly and spending time with her relatives.

If you don't feel the need to visit or tend to the grave yourself, then don't. Just do what feels right to you, not what some relatives you rarely see think you should do.

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