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Reply to "How to cope when your entire family has ADHD "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kind of OT but for those with ADHD, what does it feel like? I am curious because like some of the posters, I am extremely organized, write everything down, etc, have very strong systems and executive functions - but I taught myself to do this in 7th grade after missing a bunch of assignments and forgetting my sports bag, or forgetting to call my mom to tell her I'd arrive somewhere, etc - like many kids do. It has never crossed my mind that I might have ADHD, yet everything being described in this thread is basically my life. I wouldn't be able to function without lists and places to put things. Every successful person I know does these things. I thought it was normal. How would anyone ever remember their schedule, and their spouse's, and their kids', and their parents', plus all the to-do lists for life, without lists? That's why there are calendar planners etc. Like I literally put a calendar reminder for December 1 every year to start doing camp planning with a spreadsheet. And then I forget about it because it's not relevant any more until the reminder pops up, and then I do it. Are you all saying that the majority of the world who don't have ADHD just remembers all the minutiae of life without memory aids and systems? [/quote] It is normal. But having ADHD makes it hard to focus long enough to create such systems, and to remember to use them.[/quote] Another thing that is different for neurodivergents is that ND brains don’t get a hit of dopamine for completing a task. So if you are neurotypical and you do a routine task, you get a little surge of dopamine and it creates a reinforcement for the behavior, but ADHD brains don’t have that response. So it requires a lot more willpower to complete daily tasks bc the dopamine hit doesn’t balance out the drain on mental resources. The best description I can think of is to imagine doing a boring task for your boss that you know isn’t necessary and won’t be rewarded like refiling something in a different order. Compare the mental effort that takes to the mental effort of something that benefits you personally and will make a positive difference to complete like reorganizing a closet that’s been getting out of hand. The meaningful task gives you a little boost of positive chemicals at each stage and a slightly bigger one once you are done. The pointless and thankless task is way less reinforcement. For neurodiverse brains, the routine tasks of daily life are an effortful slog akin to the pointless and thankless refiling job and so the mental load of daily life feels incredibly heavy.[/quote] Supposed dopamine hit after completely any and all tasks is not the reason anyone STARTS any and all tasks. Unclear what study or science shows dopamine hits for anyone by type of task. Also don’t know many adhd who take the time and effort to reorg any closet in their house. Especially once the neglect snowball takes effect (neglect to do tasks until they’re so big you say they’re too overwhelming to do. Easy out they think). ND people only want to do their hyperfocus favorite activities. So basic non-favorite stuff like teeth brushing, tidying up, closing the cabinets, putting clothes away can be damned. Thats why you need systems and accountability, and good habits instilled from an early age by a caretaker who is on top of things. And who likely does not have ADHD. [/quote]
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