Reply to Is it too late for me to ever feel taken care of?

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "Is it too late for me to ever feel taken care of?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel you OP. I have always craved a mother figure who can love me unconditionally and offer guidance on life (my mother was very neglectful and emotionally stunted). I now bring comfort to myself, I realized I don't need a loving mother to turn to, I turn to myself. And to nature. I take such glory in a nice breezy day. [/quote]

Same, but there are times when I wish I had an emotional connection with a wise, loving mother or father.  I've done fine turning to myself, but I've been challenged attaching to others. DH is the only person in my life who has shown up as this person and I’ve often failed to acknowledge or appreciate it.  [/quote]

no one wants to act like your mom or dad, and is is evident when you expect that from them, impossible to hide. It comes across as neediness and wanting to be babied. no one is going to want to do this for another adult, especially one who has done grown woman things like get married and have kids. [/quote]

The type of person you are thinking of (who demands to be babied and tries to turn people into their mother/father figure), are not self aware though. OP is self aware about her needs, what happened in her childhood, and also respectful of boundaries (understanding she cannot expect her children to fill this need). She is wounded though, as someone who was abused/neglected as a child. You might consider having some empathy for that.[/quote]

The people who are self aware are always looking for that care from their friends and family, they cannot help it. The constantly strategize to be "cared for", that is all they do. Being non self aware about this means this need never is one you would conceive of having. [/quote]

No, you are starting from the fallacy that everyone starts out in the same place. They don't.

We are talking about people who experience abuse/neglect as children and have a need for something that other people (who were not abused/neglected) do not. The need exists for someone like this whether acknowledged or not, whether they understand why they feel this longing or not.

OP has gone to therapy, worked through her childhood, come to understand her own psychology. She speaks of forgiving her parents (and understanding they their behavior was a result of their own dysfunctional upbringing). She speaks with acceptance of her spouse's limitations in this area, and a great deal of thoughtfulness in why she may have self-selected adult relationship that don't involve a lot of caretaking. She also explains that she does not view her children as an appropriate source of caretaking, wanting to break the chain of abuse.

OP sounds like someone who almost never asks people for caretaking, because she learned as a child no to expect it. But she still has a need for it, a deficit from early childhood. It's a difficult problem to solve.

The other path for someone like this is to do none of the therapy and self work, have no idea why they feel this deep sense of longing for caretaking, and just run around demanding it from every relationship -- romances, friendships, kids, neighbors, coworkers. To never ask why they do this and to externalize the problems it causes, blaming others for being selfish or mean.

That's not what OP describes at all. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics