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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I never say this, but I'm going to say it this time. DH sounds like he has Asperger's  Syndrome. That rigidity and strict adherence to rules is EXACTLY like my kid with Asperger's. I could totally see him flipping out about bread crumbs or a set of pots that he doesn't like. It's completely normal for him to only think of how he feels about something and not understand how it makes others feel. He has a hard time compromising about stuff.

Go see a therapist. Get an assessment. You can live with an Aspie, but you have to be patient and they have to make an effort. [/quote]

This is a possibility.  OP, has he gotten worse with time, or has he always been like this?  [/quote]

Thank you! I thought about it myself, but I know too little about the disorder and he does not fit the "wikipedia" profile. I will describe some of the things, can you tell me if it fits the profile.  He def. lacks empathy, and is very egocentrical. But this lack of empathy does not make him unkind or mean.  He can spend hours to help someone he barely knows to prepare for an interview, he is OK hosting people for weeks, he never raises his voice at me or call me names when we fight. He has a lot of friends and he makes a huge effort to keep in touch with them, at the same time he can go see some college friend of a friend of a friend and leave me home with a fever.  He is extremely good at mingling at parties, but forgets I came with him, does not introduce me to people, and just lets me be on my own. He got very mad during a massage class when I could not follow directions and lift his leg high enough(too heavy). In fact, since all couples classes  ended up with us fighting, we stopped doing them.  He does follow most of silly rules and fights with me if I don't, but at the same time drives aggressively and crosses the street on a red light. He is very physically fit and enjoys team sport, but plays aggressively and can hurt others without meaning it.
He does make an effort and I stopped caring for the most part about decorating our apartment. At times of stress and anxiety he forgets that he suppose to try and then when days described in my fist post happen.  I am upset that the way I described makes people see him as an abusive monster. In fact, I have the monster most of the time. He freaks out when I flip out and this is the only way to stop him nagging me. I am tired of course to have to though a tantrum just to make him let me have a freaking toaster on the counter. The sad part that there will be no therapy as I am staying home with a baby and he hates doctors.[/quote]

Do you see what you wrote? All of the good things you wrote about him (and I'm sorry, NOT calling you names does not = a good thing) are related to other people. So he's nice to his friends, good at parties, can mingle nicely, and even helps strangers. Great. He has it in him. All of the "buts" you put in there are related to you, your character, the way you raise a leg????? No, I'm sorry, you may be upset that people are suggesting that he's abusive, but that's because the truth can hurt.[/quote]

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