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[quote=Anonymous]I’m one of 5 and we fit the big family mold.

My thoughts:

- depends on the adult childrens’ well-being on whether they all want to spend time together; the PP who referred to mental illness is right

- my parents never give guilt trips if someone skips an event here or there. You don’t achieve the big happy family vibe through coercion, manipulation, or guilt.

- my parents taught us that who our siblings choose as a partner is sacred and you never mess with someone’s spouse.  Same with siblings’ children. It’s absolutely irrelevant whether I like my sisters’ husbands; I always treat them with respect

- every family has issues - jealousies, resentments, grudges, etc.  you can manage that by maintaining some healthy distance but not resorting to total estrangement.  Come to holidays and events pretty consistently and always be kind.  Eventually, people get over most things.

- parents always encouraged us to get together with siblings, even without the parents there. They always said, “our best gift to you is your siblings.”

Honestly, if it all boiled down to one thing, it’s to simply be nice to each other, even if you’re feeling upset about something. If you cannot be nice, don’t show up.  And if you treat people badly, don’t ever expect them to be there for you.

I feel sorry for my MIL.  She really wants the big happy family vibe with her adult children and she’s truly the sweetest.  But her kids don’t treat each other well or each other’s spouses well.  The get togethers are always driven by the parents and totally forced.  And they never call out their kids being unkind - they just allow them to be nasty to others.  So I’m not surprised people don’t want to get together, even though I’m sad for her.
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