Reply to AITA: summer edition

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We had to dip into our emergency fund pretty substantially this year to cover several unexpected and large expenses (both medical and home related). So can we put food on the table, yes. Are we able to replenish our savings and get us back to a financially stable place, not really. Our HHI is about $160k so we do well, but aren’t super high income.

The extra tutoring money would allow us the flexibility to go on a small vacation this summer or put additional money away.

And do I resent my DH some that he sleeps in until whenever and lays out by the pool while I’m in the office 5 days a week, yes a bit. So I guess that makes me the AH. I also don’t like the pressure of having always been the breadwinner. [b]If I lose my job we are in big trouble financially[/b] so I work incredibly hard to always be the high performer while he hangs out all summer at the pool or traveling while I work.

So I will own I’m the AH who should have married better (not the teacher) to avoid these feelings. [/quote]

The bolded is also true for your husband; if you're dipping into emergency funds and having trouble replenishing them, you're in trouble no matter who loses their job. This isn't a "breadwinner" situation in my opinion. Our income is similar to yours with, probably, a similar gap between my and my spouse's income. I'm not the breadwinner, we both are. I think calling yourself the "breadwinner" is belittling to your husband's job, which is also crucial for your families' financial health.

And personally, I find it odd how many people are resentful about this stuff. His going to the pool doesn't change whether or not you have to go to work. Moreover, you're an adult and you're the boss of your feelings, not the other way around. You can stew in the negative feelings and poison yourself and your relationship or you can not do that. You get to decide. [/quote]

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