Reply to Happily married. Also find myself fantasizing about cheating.

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Reply to "Happily married. Also find myself fantasizing about cheating."

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[quote=Anonymous]It's not about your crush.  It's about you. You and your hormones are creating a SIM world that is fueling your needed at the moment lift of self esteem. Engaging in fantasy or limerence  moves you out of the ordinary and into a realm of being wanted and admired- and there's nothing really wrong with that. We all know that feeling, if we are settled and happily married won't happen again, you both are comfortable with each other's flaws and good things. We also know that the passionate affairs are limited- they all move into the comfortable zone or end. So, instead of reading bodice rippers, you are just creative and writing one in your head. It supplies lots of dopamine for the ordinary times,  the ordinary life, the ordinary  day. 
It gets dangerous if you act on it,  though, because it isn't reality in any sense of the word. 
And the way to get out of that head space is to think what life would really be like without your spouse. I mean, what it would really be like- follow yourself through a whole real day (*think about your grooming and bathrooming stuff, laundry, that weird rash or whatever you have, your  neuroticisms, anger, eating, etc.) and consider how much of that would you be comfortable with this object of your crush actually seeing. ( Vice Versa, too) Not a lot. It's a fun movie,  not life.

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