Reply to Divorced dads with kids under 18 shouldn't date women without kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not sure I 100% agree with everything in the OP, but I will admit that I really was not aware of how incredibly challenging these relationships were until I watched my brother dating post-divorce (two tweens at the time) and also watched another divorced friend with two kids under 10 marry, and then divorce, within an unbelievably volatile 5 year period.

Obviously just anecdotal, but I really had no appreciated who complicated this can be. In my brother's case, he wound up with a woman who actually has a kid, but her kid is much younger than his, and her divorce was also very messy while his was extremely civil, and the situation has just involved a ton of stress and disruption. I'm an outsider and just trying to be supportive, and I think everyone involved is well meaning and doing their best, but I also have thought on many occasions that it would really be best if they didn't do this, and I still worry about the impact of some of this mess on my nephews and even on her young child.

With my friend it was even worse, things fell apart with his second wife and as they did, she started taking her anger and frustration regarding the marriage out on his kids. It was horrifying. Everyone was extremely upset for a long time. Eventually the divorce finalized and everyone was able to move on, but it is very sad to me that his kids went through that (being called names, constantly yelled at an criticized by their stepmother, for instance) after ALSO going through their parents' divorce.

I don't think I was in danger of divorce before witnessing these situations, but wow did they make me more invested than ever in working on my marriage to keep it healthy and doing whatever I can to create a stable, safe family life for our kids. I don't think any of the people involved in these situations intended to harm the kids involved, or is a fundamentally bad person (not even my friend's no ex, though I do NOT think she should have married my friend). But divorce with minor kids is really hard and people really need to think hard before they dive into relationships with new people.

So I think OP has a point. I'm sure it can work, but if it goes wrong, the potential harm is really big. People should definitely think about that.[/quote]

Sobering stories. I’m close to divorcing and I am under NO illusions that I am in any way fit to remarry- I’m just not good at relationships at all! I can’t fathom remarrying while my DC lives at home (he’s 12). No thanks. I already f’ed up one homelife for my kid, not going to repeat that.

My STBX however will almost surely remarry, possibly quickly. He’s in his mid-50s so I’m hoping that no woman under 40 will be interested, so their won’t be a second family. I also don’t think he’d tolerate a woman who was mean to our (admittedly challenging) kid, but who knows. [/quote]

If I ever divorce I will try to get no cohabitating with another adult until the kids are out of the house into the agreement. [/quote]

Rolling my eyes. That's not enforceable.

God, so many divorced women feel entitled to control the man they divorced post divorce. He's not your husband. You don't get to boss him around anymore. On his custody time, he gets to do what he wants.[/quote]

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