Reply to I dislike and resent my DD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think those of you advising OP to put her DD into foster care or up for adoption haven't thought about the fact that OP has another child.  What does that other child learn when she sees her sibling sent away because she was bad (which is how she'll see it).  I'm actually shocked that people are suggesting this.  There are some really helpful suggestions in this thread -- therapy for herself and possibly meds, respite care, a behaviorist for her DD -- that she hasn't tried yet.[/quote]

Well, have you thought about how the normal sibling feels on a day to day basis?  My kid's bff has brother who is SN and she constantly complains about him, about how much time he takes up, and how her parents don't have any time for her because of him.  She is very depressed about it and has told us that she wishes that he'd just go away.  And she acts out on it too--hitting him and trying to get my kid to hit him too.
If this kid's mom (OP) is suffering, think about how the sibling might feel.  He/she is probably suffering too.  I think if his/her sibling needs to be institutionalized sharing why the decision was made would make it clear that it isn't something that would happen to her.
We also have friends who have institutionalized their sons because they were a threat to their normal daughter. Would you recommend that they not and have them physically hurt their sister?[/quote]

Do you have a child with SN?  Because your first example is incredibly offensive to those of us who do.  You are suggesting that in this family the child with SN -- not violent, though his NT sibling apparently is -- should be sent away because the DD is depressed.  Of course, the family has a situation to deal with and they need to attend to that daughter, but the idea that the problem is the mere existence of a SN child is the problem, and that existence needs to be wiped away for the sake of the sibling, is really offensive.  And I'm the one who posted about how we shouldn't judge parents who terminate pregnancies.  This is a live child.

And I won't even touch the use of the word "normal."

There are children who need to be in residential facilities for a whole host of issues if they can't be treated as outpatients.  Your last example is probably one.  But that is still not the same thing as putting a child up for adoption.  I stand my post that making the troubling sibling "go away" PERMANENTLY can be really damaging to the other sibling.  Especially when the parents have other options they haven't tried.

I was the NT sibling of two SN kids.  If either of them had been put up for adoption it would have been seriously traumatic for me.  I also have a SN child and an NT child.  You have no idea what you are talking about.[/quote]

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