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[quote=Anonymous]Dan Shapiro is great at supporting parents as well as kids.  If you haven't met with him yet, consider it.

As a parent with a child with a significant developmental and intellectual disability(will never live independently) I am saddened to read how many parents would have aborted their children if they had know about their child's diagnosis prenatally.  Trust me, I GET that it is hard...I live it every day.  I am no super mom or saint.  I lose my sh*t on a daily, sometimes hourly or even quarter hourly basis, too.  Parenting my SN child is the hardest thing I have ever done and likely will do. And I do sometimes imagine how easy my would be if my child was 'typical' or if he had not been born.  Do I mourn the life I thought I would have?  Of course.  Its normal.  Do I wish my life was easier.  Damn straight I do.  I think our society has sent us all the message that we control our own destiny a lot more than we really do and when 'bad' things happen like car accidents, brain injuries, strokes, birth defects, cancer, etc. we feel 'cheated' because we 'did everything right'.  Or we feel resentful because this "wasn't supposed to happen".  Especially in affluent areas where many people fix their problems by throwing money at them, when we have problems that no amount of money can fix, we feel all the more frustrated and angry and then imagine things we could have/should have done to avoid the problem occuring in the first place...such discovering a disability prenatally and preventing that child from being born, thus, eliminating the "problem".

But folks, don't you see how that attitude that says "This is so hard that if I had a choice, I would rather my vhild was never born" contributes to setinng people up to feel even more frustrated and more disappointed with their lives with children with SN?  You know, one day, maybe in our lifetimes, maybe in our childrens', there WILL be a prenatal test for ASD, ADHD, etc. like there is for Down's now. There will likely be prenatal tests for cancer risks and risks for other diseases, like high cholesterol or other disabilities.  I really do fear where this thinking will take us as a society.  I can see how the thinking now often goes from being one of "quality of life of the child" to "quality of life of the parents and siblings" because the children and adults with Down's really do have a pretty high quality of life...at least they believe that they do, anyway, and isn't that all that really matters?   And if people abort 95%+ of babies with Down's who have a high quality of life, then what that really says is that its the parents who don't want to sign up for kids that might be too much trouble or cost too much money or might ruin their ideal lifestyle aspirations.   All I can say is with this kind of society looming ahead, I am just grateful I was born before this kind of thing happens because I am certainly NOT perfect.  I may end up with diabtetes or heart disease as I have had high cholesterol since my 20s.  I may get cancer as my parents, grandparents and 2 aunts have.   I have ADHD inattentive.   I am myopic.  I am also dyslexic.  I'm just so grateful that I am here and no test existed during my mother's pregnancy that made her not want to have me because I might ruin her life or by some misguided idea that my life, with these challenges, would not be worth living.

Life is hard.  We can't control everything.  We never will control everything.  We can try to cull the unpleasant out of life, but we will always, always fail.  Yes, some people will always experience much pain and suffering and frustration in their life while others enjoy a a much more calm, predictable, rewarding and pleasant life.  And not only because of their "choices" or their attitude, either.  Some people just get dealt a difficult, challenging and sad hand in life, no matter what they do or what their attitude is or how they manage it.   it sucks, but we all need to accept it, deal with it, help those who are struggling with more challenges.  But most of all, I think we need to stop thinking that the solution is to breed out people who are challenged and challenging.    [/quote]

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