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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it being “aggressive” or is it being “competitive”. My oldest was highly competitive growing up, which we worked on curbing some. He’s also really athletic so it naturally came out when he played.

He’s now 14 and has learned to be measured in his competitiveness but still has that drive, both on and off the field. It’s been a great character trait for him, but something he’s had to learn to manage.

I will also say, we had friends with boys like yours. Their sons have also done great in both school and sports, but just tend to engage differently. Sort of gentler, less competitive. 
Great kids, all of them. [/quote]
Like you and the last few PP’s I want to draw a line between what some posters are calling aggressive (by which they mean impulsive) and very competitive.  I stopped playing pick up basketball in the driveway with one of my kids when he was 6, because his hip checks would leave me on the ground bleeding.  He was playing proper basketball, and I was too slow and unskilled to handle it. He and DH battled it out happily/argumentatively until DH started to lose every game when DS was 12 or 13. That child is playing D1 soccer now.

My other two sound more like yours, OP. Our DD always cared about doing her best to win games, but shied away from tackles when she was in elementary school. She got a bit more aggressive each year and ended up a strong soccer who still preferred a great passing game to a lot of direct 1 v 1s. She had a blast playing club soccer in college.

The youngest is a great athlete who was extremely avoidant of physical challenges as a young kid, slowing changing along the way.  You’d never know it now that he’s in high school.  From what we’ve seen with our kids and their teammates, if you love the game and have the mental and physical tools to perform well, you ultimately adapt to the required aggression even if that’s not your default impulse.  If they don’t love the game, there’s no real reason to worry about it, though generally speaking MS and HS are indeed easier for boys who are good at sports.

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