Reply to Competitive academics - what to tell the smart, hard-working kid who isn't "the best"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You said this about your DD:
 personally think her approach to academics is a good one -- she puts in the work, including on things that are not her favorite, but then really digs in when she cares about the subject matter. I am hoping she learns that this is actually a pretty great approach to life generally! You don't need to be great at everything and there are diminishing returns to trying when you could just focus on the stuff that actually matters to you.

Do you tell her this, explicitly, about once a month, in very different ways?

Also, you can point out that SHE could be the way they are, too, if she studied ALL THE TIME (which is what they do) but that means she would have to give up writing in her journal, doing X, Y and Z that she also loves to do.

Those other kids give what she has up:  they don't do after school drama, girl scouts, boy scouts, have a job, skateboard after school, go on bike rides, take walks on the weekend in the woods, etc. They only STUDY, STUDY, STUDY and go to AFTER SCHOOL PREP classes.  They probably do one prep class on a weekend.

She can do this, too, but I think she doesn't want to.  So there are things we give up (winning all the awards) because we want to be happy in our life, to do well in school but ALSO to have other things in our life.

Help her see this - explain, explain, point out, and talk about it.  She can be dissappointed she doesn't get all those awards, but she can also understand what she would have to give up to do that - and help her see THEY are giving up, they weren't just born smart, they ALSO put in so much extra work. [/quote]

OP here. I totally agree and like how you've framed it. Life is about choices. She really love the non-academic stuff she does, and doesn't want to give them up.

It will all shake out in the end. She's just in the middle of it. I'm realizing this is probably also just the start of some of the angst we will be experiencing with college admissions, since she'll be a junior next year and that's when that process really starts. So some of her sadness might be some second guessing her approach and worrying she'll be left behind. I'm confident she won't be -- she might not be applying to the same colleges as these classmates or pursuing the same careers, but that doesn't mean she's behind. Just on a different path.[/quote]

It’s okay to struggle. That’s part of life. It’s okay to sit in the discomfort and feel it. Sitting in it will help her in the future rather than trying to say anything to take it away. [/quote]

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