Reply to Husband surprised me and I want to cry (not joyful tears)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In a healthy marriage, it's perfectly fine to say, Honey I love your note. You're so sweet and it makes me cry. But just so you know, I'm changing things back to how I had it--it suits me best. Love you! And then he would say, oops, I totally misfired on that didn't I? Ok ok I'm not going to mess with any decor related stuff from  now on.

In a not so healthy relationship all bets are off. Keep in mind though that as much as you want to spare his feelings, you also need to be more assertive of your own. Your needs and preferences matter and stifling them over long periods of time can only lead to bottled up resentment.[/quote]

This. Appreciate the effort, and acknowledge that an attempt was made. Explain why it's a miss. Move on.[/quote]

Do people really correct gifts in the moment?  I cannot imagine someone correcting any other type of gift giver, no matter how wrong they got it. Do your spouses continue to  try and do nice unexpected things for you?  Go ahead and correct, I guess, he won't do it again.  But you are making a choice here - when the opportunity arises again to do something nice and sweet and unexpected, he won't.

(I am the one who asked about your communication disconnect.  Still interested to hear what happened).[/quote]

I am surprised too. If my husband reacted the way posters are telling OP to react after I did what I thought was a nice gesture to show I was proud of him, I would never do anything nice for him again. But he would never lash  out at me, accuse me of being controlling and passive aggressive, cry, intentionally not spare my feelings, or demand I stay out of his space…over the wrong colour of garbage can and printer and some wall hooks. [/quote]

So if you moved the furniture around in his office from the way he had arranged it, and you decorated it with a bunch of hot pink accessories, he wouldn’t be annoyed? And if he was in any way outwardly put out, you would never do anything nice for him again? Ok.[/quote]

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