Reply to Better for kids to stay in roommate marriage with DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband grew up in scenario 1 and I think it's really damaged him. He doesnt know how to show affection, he shuts down during even the tiniest conflict. He's told me multiple times he wished they'd just divorced.

As much as you think its "low conflict" and "zero fighting" doesnt usually pan out. [/quote]

I get it but divorce certainly does not guarantee that they will observe a healthy affectionate relationship[/quote]
*shrug* he's in therapy and that is one thing they discuss.

I think people just overestimate how "low conflict" they are, and kids definitely pick up on these things. [/quote]

This. My parents were in a “low conflict” marriage where my mom said disparaging passive aggressive this about my dad constantly and my dad stayed very late at work and acted passive aggressively towards my mom by spending money my parents didn’t have. There was not lots of yelling and fighting but it was tense and was by no means normal-seeming. Around 4th grade my dad stopped going to holiday gatherings with my mom’s family so we would go without him, sometimes spending Christmas and other holidays without him. That was hard. My parents slept in different rooms starting around 4th grade too. I stopped having friends over for sleepovers because I found it embarrassing. When my sister and I were 16 we actually asked our parents to consider divorce. There relationship was so broken and destructive. They were angry and depressed.

I have been married for six years and have three kids and I feel like my marriage is strong but I have had to do a lot of work to get here. I did not see a healthy relationship modeled. I did not know how to deal with conflict (shut down? walk away? say something nasty? summer?). I understand most people can’t divorce and sometimes it’s not so bad. But if you are creating a lot of stress and tension for your kids try to address that. Speak to the reality of the situation instead of pretending it is all normal.[/quote]

Sorry for typos on my phone[/quote]

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