Reply to FIL divested assets and now has no way to pay for MIL's nursing home care.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can't he sell the cabin? [/quote]

The living situation was already fraught with significant tension (see here: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1174345.page).

OP here - I can't imagine FIL selling the cabin he poured his heart and soul into. Also, he financed his original home several times to pay for the building costs of the cabin, upgrades, etc. [/quote]

So you think the "only possible way" is to sell the primary home that 4 people, including BIL and SIL, are living in. Because he poured his heart and soul into the cabin? OP, I think there's some denial going on here.

[/quote]

FIL wants to hang onto the cabin because in his mind that's the love nest for his next wife.

OP, If I were you I'd stay out of this except to murmur "Oh that's too bad" or "Gee that sounds hard" at appropriate intervals. There is nothing for you to do here.[/quote]

It's so hard not to stay involved.

FIL visits MIL every single day. On days he can't go and goes to his cabin, he asks DH to go and will say he does not want MIL to be alone. DH goes once a week and has been going on weekends to visit his mom when FIL is at his cabin.

There have been various miscommunications; FIL called DH a few weeks ago in tears and said, "[MIL] is in multi-system organ failure and is septic!" DH and I rushed to say our goodbyes. All the family gathered at BIL/FIL/SIL's house that evening to support him. Everyone was crying, thinking it was the end and we had to arrange funeral arrangements. Turns out, MIL was "at risk" of sepsis and MOS due to the amount of interventions she had.

The most recent issue is that FIL was informed MIL could not return home. We are unsure how that conversation went, if she is eligible for 100 days at an SNF paid under Medicare, or if she is not eligible for SNF care and has to move to a long-term care facility. When DH asks for clarification, FIL says he will update him or gives non-answers. I may be in the wrong here, but I feel DH has the right to know if it's recommended his mom move into long-term care permanently. We assume she needs the care, but we have no updates or information besides what FIL disseminated. DH has tried to call the facility for information but was told they can't share anything with him because he's not on the chart as a contact. DH does not want to ask his Dad to be included as a point of contact.

I agree with every PP that hospice and or palliative care would be a good option. Knowing MIL, this is not how she would have wanted to live. But that conversation is not for me - it's for the doctors and her care team to have with FIL. FIL does not include DH or any other family members in these conversations. [/quote]

OP how are you protecting YOUR assets? What are you going to do when FIL begs you to get a home equity loan to pay for MIL’s nursing home? If you think there is any possibility of this, you need to get started on paperwork that would ensure FIL gives you the equity cabin outright to equal the money you give him. [/quote]

No do not give money as a trade for equity in that cabin, no no no! Stop the crazy! [/quote]

I don’t think she SHOULD do this, but it’s inevitably where things are headed. When/if her DH starts to say they need to give FIL money she needs to be prepared. [/quote]

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