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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
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Can I ask you a question? I just posted about my 8.5 year old. I want to step in when I see he is being too silly with his friends and that they are starting to side eye each other as he goofs off. Because I want to correct it in the moment. But I feel like he is getting too old for me to do that. Wouldn’t me pulling him aside and saying “hey Larlo when you make your silly fake laugh like that, did you notice how your friends weren’t smiling and laughing? That means they don’t think it’s funny. It’s time to dial it down.” just make him look even more of an outsider?

This is an honest question- I am always looking for the best way to help him. He used to attend a social skills group but he did fine in that group and “graduated”, because in that group setting he wasn’t overstimulated or over excited. [/quote]

My suggestion (and I am not a mental health or social skills expert) is to take a two-pronged approach. Away from peers start teaching about what “too silly” looks like—as in what might he notice from others if he’s crossed a line. Make it a lighthearted bit of general instruction, not an admonishment for a particular incident. You’ll also have to teach replacement behaviors. Maybe your kid can initiate a running-based game to help get extra energy out. Perhaps he learns to excuse himself for a water break if he feels too wound up. Maybe he has a kid-appropriate joke book he can pull some acceptable zingers out of. Obviously, the particular replacement behaviors have to fit your child’s personality and the types of settings where he tends to run into social difficulty.

In the moment, you can help by giving your kid a break from his friends. Cheerfully call him into another room for a particular task. The task could be something like bringing drinks to his friends or bringing a fun toy/game outside as a play option. Maybe you just say “I just wanted to let you know you have 45 minutes left before Larlo needs to go home,” or “I found this pack of gum. Would you like to share it with your friends?” Choose whatever interrupts the behavior and gives the other kids a break for a minute without embarrassing your child. So that he can save face with peers, always send him back with something to give/share with friends or a plausible reason why you needed him and needed to interrupt at that moment.

If getting your kid to take a break isn’t enough to help him regulate, you might then start giving more feedback during the break. Tell him, very kindly, that it looks like maybe he’s in too-silly mode and that he needs to use one of the strategies you’ve taught him.

Prevention can help too. Some children have difficulty filling unstructured time. Your kid might do better on play dates if you set up particular activities—building a LEGO model followed by a bike ride; playing basketball; a backyard water balloon fight. [/quote]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! It is unstructured group settings where he appears (to me) uncomfortable and starts doing his immature class clown routine. I actually limit unstructured group playdates when I can, and he actually declines them on his own most of the time. I think he senses they make him feel too wound up. I love your idea of pulling him aside for a quick task just so he can self regulate for a moment. [/quote]

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