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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.[/quote]

[b]They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses. [/b]
That works for a LOT of couples. 
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way. [/quote]

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage. [/quote]

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.
[/quote]

A lot of people have their “first” affair at the 20, 25, 30 year mark.  You’re not some sort of “pro” because you’ve been married for a long time.

This whole “frisson” idea to me is playing with 🔥🔥🔥🔥.  [b]When I am happy with DH, no other man can appeal to me.[/b][/quote]

This is crazy to me. I have no intention of cheating but I’m not blind. Of course I find other men sexually appealing. Do you genuinely feel no flicker of attraction at all towards anyone but your DH? [/quote]

Honestly… no, not in real life, and I’m not saying it to seem more virtuous.  I have even had crushes while married but it’s very much not-physical which I know seems weird.  I have met men that seemed very pleasant and attractive but I have not myself been attracted to them.  My husband and I had a very intense physical chemistry at the beginning of our relationship and I have just never felt anything like it for anyone else.

I guess I’m also picky- I find a lot of men that my friends think are handsome very unappealing.  I think perhaps for me a person’s character is very important to how I feel about them and someone who is flirting with me as a married woman will turn me off.  I seem to appreciate men as a concept more than reality.  During Covid I developed a crush on a colleague who I had never met in person- and when I did meet him in person the crush was instantly over.  He just lost his sparkle.  I know it’s weird but that’s just how I’m wired.[/quote]

Life, and marriage, are long. I could have written this a few years ago. Then recently I developed an intense crush on a man in my life. I was horrified by how attracted I was to him-- it was so intense that it caused me a lot of stress because I truly didn't think I was capable of that kind of attraction towards another man anymore. I thought I'd reached a level of such deep love with my DH, after 15 years together, that anything else would pale in comparison.

I didn't act on it but the fantasies I had. I was never more relieved about the fact that no one could see my thoughts. A more innocent crush, I would have told a friend about it. Heck, if it were a crush on a celebrity, I would have told my DH. But it was a person in my life, and I was interested in him in a way I haven't felt about anyone since my husband. And he was very different from my husband too. Ugh, it was torment.

So you think it can't happen to you, but let me tell you, it can. And having those sorts of feelings about someone from inside an otherwise good marriage, with kids? It's not fun.[/quote]

I have been married longer than 15 years and I think year 15 is often a crisis point for whatever reason and manifests in different ways.  For me it was different and more about my emotional and intellectual connection with DH.  I’m not saying I couldn’t be physically attracted to another man, it just truly has not happened yet in a long marriage.  For whatever reason that doesn’t seem believable to some but it’s true.[/quote]

We’ve been married over 30 years and I’ve certainly found other men to be attractive and at points where my marriage was not running hot and that can happen in any long term marriage. When those few moments have happened I simply remind myself what a great ride it has been and that I/we need to rekindle the magic and we always do. [/quote]

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