Reply to I disconnected my direct deposit

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's really unclear what your focus is here, op. The crappy job or the crappy husband. That's why people were confused.

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Agree the post is totally confusing but since she put it in the relationship forum I am going with crappy husband, exacerbated by what appear to be pregnancy hormones exposing a high level of nastiness. [/quote]

My husband is not overall crappy, but I have begged and pleaded for years for him to bring up his income so that I could dial back at work, and despite various avenues to do so, he has refused to even try.

I am wondering if I just stop contributing income how he will respond since he has a year sabbatical to figure it out plus plenty of savings.

If he doesn’t even try to figure it out I will divorce him. I can’t stay married otherwise; the resentment will give me cancer. [/quote]

You’re just not contributing income on paper though. It’s still half his if you divorce. I don’t see how this is going to force him to figure anything out.

You need to lean out at work for your own sanity. Change jobs. Do whatever you need. Then cut expenses accordingly. But this continuing to work a big job and squirrel away money plan is batty. [/quote]

He does not want to get divorced. And if he chooses to divorce me instead of figuring out how to earn more money, then I have forced an outcome that needed to be. And we will at least have more assets to split in the divorce than if I just quit now.

Furthermore, I honestly don’t know if I will get fired if I dial back at my existing job. Right now I am too scared to try, and I also can’t mentally disconnect because I feel it is all on my shoulders. I am quite good at my job and have built up sizable domain knowledge.

What I am doing now is actually very clever, sorry you are struggling to see it.

My ideal situation is that he earns more (which takes mental/emotional pressure off of me) and I keep my job working at some predefined max level of effort. If it becomes clear that I can’t keep this level of job at that level of effort, I will transition into an easier job, which will be possible because he earns more.

I honestly only want to stay married to him if he tries to earn more. So I am forcing the situation but only after the circumstances are such that he actually does have the runway to succeed if he chooses to.

So to all the people worried about my kids - don’t worry, I won’t be staying married and resentful long term. Either I’ll be a hard working divorced woman not married to someone who I feel exploits me, or I’ll be a more relaxed happily married woman married to a man who works hard to provide for his family.

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