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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. My boyfriend is not autistic lol. I’m also extremely tired of unqualified people putting labels on others like that.

I talked to my friend and then us together. She said she feels awkward because he’s so quiet most of the time. She is not used to me dating men like this and she has never dated anyone like this.

My boyfriend finds her annoying because she is very nosey about his job and his past jobs. She takes him not willing to answer ( he’s a fed and his job is classified) as him being dismissive and rude to her. I explained to her that I don’t even know the half of what he does yet. I think it will eventually smooth over and they will grow to like each other.

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This post indicates to me that she's pretty immature, OP. Here's why:

--She can't deal with a personality type [i]she[/i] hasn't personally experienced/dated. An adult should not "feel awkward" because someone else is "so quiet." You said earlier that she's extroverted and it sounds like she disdains anyone who isn't like her. That's an immature trait. She does not have to adore or even like him but she does need to learn that [i]her[/i] experiences and preferences are not the standard for her friends' lives.

--She can't accept that you are not her. "She is not used to me dating men like" your boyfriend. Sounds a bit controlling, as if she thinks that you ought to find attractive the same qualities SHE finds attractive. A mature friend would not be as rattled and negative as she is, based just on the idea that he's not a type that SHE would date herself.

--She can't take no for an answer re: his work. This is a red flag that she has no respect for his word when he's said, or you've said, that the nature of his work is classified so he can't discuss it [i]even with you[/i], much less with her. Grown-ups in this geographic area should be entirely used to the idea that there are jobs that just cannot be discussed, are not fodder for office stories or gossip, etc. It sounds almost as if she now finds it a game to prod and challenge him about his work. Does she really not take it seriously that he could lose his job, his security clearance, etc. if he talks about his work? Again -- immature.

I am not saying to dump her. But I'd think hard about the friendship. Is it based on shared experiences in the past? Do you have a lot in common other than this issue with the boyfriend? It's a long friendship -- but does it really have deep roots in shared interests, values, etc., or have you just known each other for years and...that's it?

I'd do as some people have said and communicate with her, not with us. Tell her what you told us earlier -- that you value your friendship with her, but you need her to stop the commentary on him, and to stop asking him about his work. Tell her that as her friend, you expect her to trust your judgement in dating him, and that while he is not her type, he IS your type now that you know him.

I wouldln't necessarily try to push them to get to know each other better. Frankly they'd both be doing it just to please you and not out of a sincere desire to change their minds about each other. And please do not tell her that he said she's pushy or whatever re: his job etc. Make it about you, not him. This is about her not respecting your choice or your happiness, and her thinking that her taste should be your taste too.

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