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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op - I do think she is under medicated for anxiety but it’s very confusing bc she is on so many other meds for her current pain. It’s also possible that dementia or Parkinson’s is at play but she has just now had surgery and the geriatrician says they won’t be able to tell until she comes off the pain meds. I do agree I need to talk to my dad more thoroughly - he has told me that they had the conversation and calculated that number that it will cost her to live at home with care until she dies (the $6m number). But I don’t think they have properly thought it through. And yes to all the above posters - she has never been ‘checked’ and made to grow up and he derives some weird secondary benefit. I have been at home with them for the past week and realized that my whole childhood was dominated by her never really needing to step up (never picking me up or dropping me off or making dinner or even waking up before I went to school - Nannies did it all and then I did) while dad structures life around her needs and preferences. Somehow it all didn’t quite click till the anxiety crisis got worse and I saw how she manipulates. I am really struggling with my empathy for her post surgically as a result and actually may need to cut my visit short as I am having trouble faking it. Is all really hard [/quote]

She may not be taking the pills consistently which makes things 10 times worse. This is dad's issue, unless he is very unhappy. If he is, the next time she goes in the hospital, dad needs to make a case why she cannot come home. If he refuses, that is his problem. At residential she will be properly medicated and it's easier to visit and be in good spirits no matter how she acts. If it gets too bad, he can end the visit. Once he passes away, I would strong suggest you have her in residential next time she ends up in the hospital. The workers who come to her home cannot force her to take medication.

Once someone is driving everyone around them nuts, it's not about meeting their every want or desire. Sure she doesn't want residential. Too bad. You let the social worker know the issues at home and why it cannot work.  Or you give in to her and deal with the fact she may not get proper meds, she will call you often and she will still be miserable.[/quote]

i do think she is not properly medicated. but when we try to get her anti anxiety medication to a manageable level, she claims it puts her to sleep. She is content to make people around her work hard and be miserable so is not incentivized to adjust[/quote]

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