Reply to Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

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Reply to "Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you're on a trajectory here and the awkward part is that you're midway on that trajectory.

Where you're coming from, what your brother is doing is treated as normal and only someone terrible would raise questions about it. As a result, you haven't discussed it directly in real terms at home (with your 7 yo or just within earshot) because you have no language to use in discussing it appropriately.

Where you're going to, you will understand that your brother has untreated mental illness and either make peace with your parents' refusal to deal with it or substantially distance yourself from them. As a result, you won't discuss it much at home because the answers will all be clear.

In the middle, where you are now, your brother is dysfunctional, your parents are in denial, you are angry about it, you may or may not be carping about it "in private" (that is: in your home, when your brother is not around and your kid may be). And your kid is sharp enough to notice all of this and asking questions.

My best advice to you is to do what you need to to get from A to B as fast as possible. Another generation of kid in your family being raised in that middle space where things are odd but no one knows or will say why isn't the outcome you want.

Your anger will be the biggest obstacle to fast progress here. [/quote]

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