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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are simply some teens, believe it or not, where boundaries & consequences have no effect.  All you PPs who are smugly patting yourselves on the back for not having this problem in your teen - likely have a pretty easy teen.

OP:  I’ve been in your shoes. It’s imperative that you stay calm and don’t take the bait.  Look up the DBT Transactional Model - she’s not getting what she needs from the environment so she’s putting stress on the environment. There’s something beneath this.  She needs emotional regulation skills, but those obviously are hard to teach when she’s escalated.

I wish I had magic to give you.  For us - it was her relationship with her dad where needs weren’t being met, but she was taking it out on me as I was “safe”.  There was also some sexual harassment happening at school.  To get to where we could deal with those took me not losing my temper, ever, and working with her in the calmer moments.  We did a round of comprehensive DBT which was almost more important for her dad than her - but it helped all of us recognize what was happening.

Good luck.[/quote]

+1. I agree with all of this.  I have an adopted daughter that had some attachment issues that made for some serious behavior issues.   Absolutely NOTHING worked until I was able to regulate myself and build the trusting relationship with her despite her pretty horrendous behaviors at times.   It felt counterintuitive but it worked and we now have a 15 year old that is doing extremely well and has a bright future that would not have been possible if I had listened to any more people that told me consequences were all that needed to be done in order to change her behavior.

Good luck, OP
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