Reply to Should I go back to work to get DH to step up?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hire help a couple of days a week. 
If he barely interacts with his kids it’s his loss. His kids will realise it as they get older and will not have a close connection with him. [/quote]

I think figuring out what you want or are missing, as another PP suggested, is the first step.

1) do you want more free time to see friends, pick up a hobby etc?

- then hire help to be responsible for the kids and/or help to handle housekeeping and use the time you get back to do your thing

2) do you want more time together as a family?

- express this to your H and then plan leisure activities with the whole family.   It’s not the same as him actually doing the day to day stuff with the kids that is the true bonding, but it’s something

3) do you want HIM to be there for the parental grunt work routine so you aren’t doing it ALL - baths/dinner/homework/chauffering?

- unfortunately he’s probably not going to that, or at least not start with that.   So see points 1 & 2 and hire someone to be a regular assistant/partner for those times

Going back to work will not help, and will likely only make you even more resentful- especially if your income won’t have a significant impact on finances. [/quote]

4) Do you want him to recognize and appreciate your contributions?

I'm a SAHM with a husband who works a lot and he's always telling me how happy he is to be with his family, how much he appreciates the home I've made for him, that he recognizes it can be lonely and the kids certainly don't thank me for taking them to the dentist, but that he sees and is grateful for everything I do. It means a lot that he respects my efforts. And I try to tell him how much I appreciate all his hard work for our family! It sounds to me like OP is feeling lonely and ignored, and a little appreciation goes a long way.[/quote]

PP you are quoting- yes. Good addition.

I overlooked that because verbal appreciation without action really doesn’t do anything for me.

But, I know it does for some people - including my husband, which used to drive me nuts, but when I worked on trying to figure out why I felt so frustrated in my marriage, I realized that it’s important to him, so even if it feels silly to me, I make a concerted effort to express appreciation.

If that’s what OP wants, I  don’t know how she can get her husband to do that without some breakthrough on his part or marriage counseling.  [/quote]

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