Reply to Should I try to become more of a sorority girl / PTA mom?

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Reply to "Should I try to become more of a sorority girl / PTA mom?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your husband was an ass for saying that. There's nothing magical about being in a sorority. Tell him sorority girls are GIRLS, not women. If he wants you to get your nails done and highlights, it will cost XX per month. In terms of wardrobe, there was a point where I just decided Old Navy was not cutting it, and went 50% less often to buy tops, but got them all at Nordstrom Rack and that improved my wardrobe a lot. I've been wearing the same two sweaters from there for the last five years and still get compliments when I wear them.

Just seek out your people, OP. There are other goofy sarcastic people out there, also looking for friends.[/quote]

Just to counter this. I was in a sorority at a small school know for STEM and pre-med rograms - but a sorority nonetheless. It served as an intense 24/7 multi-year social skills group and boot camp for suburban motherhood in ways I only now realize.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20s. Now that I am a parent and have friends with kids on the autism spectrum and another friend who was diagnosed as autistic in her 40s, I realize there is a decent chance I am also autistic. I am an only child. Most of my close friends in HS and college were guys. My husband is quiet and nerdy. I was always described as quirky.

The difference with OP is that I AM on the PTA. I am never going to be besties with the “cool” moms or leave my house every day in purposely chosen outfit with curled hair and makeup, but I know how to dress and act when I am in the presence of the moms OP is referring to. I can gauge when I am being genuinely included and when it is out of pity or because they just need my time and labor. I can laugh at the right jokes and receive gossip without spreading it. I can play that character to the extent that it benefits my children in terms of play dates, invitations, and carpools. I can’t imagine playing that character 24/7 with my spouse! My spouse is my safe space where I can be my weirdo self and know he loves me as I am.

I will add a funny anecdote I had with one of my sorority sisters my senior year. I forget how it came up, but I admitted that it sometimes hurt my feeling that they didn’t invite me to something. Dancing at a club? Keg party? Who knows. Her response was “we love spending time with you, but you don’t like to do the same things we do.” And she was right. I had declined their invitations often enough they just started to assume what I would or would not want to participate in. So lesson learned that sometimes you have to speak up and tell people what you want and that you also need to be true to yourself. [/quote]

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