Reply to Tired of “sophisticated” friends of my 4th grade DD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 4th grader. I am not into the crop top look either, but DD begs to wear them and I’m just not going to die on that hill.
Don’t you remember when you were young and your parents forbade you to wear something, so you just brought it to school and changed there? I’m just skipping that charade. Banning stuff just increases their allure. 
I draw the line at:
 hair dyeing/highlighting. 
Multiple piercings 
[/quote]

OP and her friend who is the most adventurous with this stuff has salon bleached hair and all that. I am not “sexualizing” this girl; she and her mom tease me for not taking DD in for hair dye or permitting the makeup or belly shirts; the girl claims she is “bisexual” and maybe she is. DD hasn’t expressed any identity-defining sexuality stuff ever to us but to be fair, she seems quite far from her first period and puberty, small for her age and not into crushes at this point. She doesn’t ask for clothes and has never changed at school or anything. I posted because this mother and another keep trying to needle me over this sh!t and I feel pretty defensive and fed up at this point. I totally get that curiosity and appropriateness over time will change things, but I don’t think I’m an oppressor since DD doesn’t ask and has friends who are absolutely not into cool clothes or devices on any level, so I think it’s okay. I got flamed initially and I don’t think I’m being a jerk, I think I’m long-term acquaintances with 2 particular moms who don’t like that DD and I are not exactly like them at this stage, even if DD is further away from those big physical and emotional upheavals than their DDs at this stage. I hate the comments I get periodically but we are all mothers to only girls so I know my context is way more limited than that of many parents here. [/quote]

Honestly they sound like horrible people and I’d be cooling my friendships with them.  I’d also be looking at Catholic school to get my dd out of that environment, but that’s just me.  [/quote]

OP here - yes I have drawn the same conclusions and am encouraging DD not to stop being friends but to spend more time with other friends, and to help arrange play dates with them. I can’t be around it any more as one of the mothers in particular is a vicious gossip, which I didn’t fully realize until quite recently, jumping into conversations to ask whether a kid she knows is “popular” or not (she detests this other kid and told me in a quasi-ironic way “haha so and so is just a commoner now too.”)  I had not seen nor heard this level of crap til a few weeks ago and it’s bothered me so much. Her child has many good qualities but the mother is truly toxic and hypocritical, and it’s something I can’t unknow. The girls are in a small group at school together but will likely be in different schools soon.[/quote]

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