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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ILs are both dead now, but my BIL was very much a failure to launch guy, and while I would not be surprised to learn that mental health issues contributed to that, they weren't the only factor at play.

After my FIL died, my MIL would occasionally wonder what would happen "if" she weren't around (she couldn't bring herself to say "when" she died). My spouse would mumble something noncommittal, and I would say, "Well, he may surprise us all one day!" Neither of us promised to take care of him, because NFW.

And when my MIL died, he rented a room from a family he knew and did temp work. Then he rented a room in a household of friends from a church group. He seems fine. [/quote]

This. People figure it out. My observation of both my brother who is somewhat like this, and my BIL who is a lot like this, is that often they demonstrate a lot of skill and ability simply in securing the largesse of their parents. There are often skills of manipulating emotions and performing just enough elder care to justify keeping the situation going. It is not a person who is a total failure who doesn't have any ability to make money or feed themselves or maintain relationships. Often it's someone who has a lot of skills but they've been misdirected and incorrectly rewarded for many years, and if forced to find another way, they 100% would. But their parents have given them an easy out for a long time and the longer they took it, the harder it was for them to do anything else.[/quote]

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