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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Easy to point blame at the sister. The parents have created this situation.[/quote]

Agree. It's parentification taken to an extreme. The parents fail at parenting one of their children, and then leave the job for one of their more successful children to complete. Often the adult child being asked to become caretaker has already had to sacrifice for this same sibling many times in the past.

But I also do think here is some personal responsibility for the dependent adult children in these situations. Even if there are factors like ADHD or mental health issues. Many of us have dealt with those kinds of challenges. You need to have the will to make your own way in the world. Parents can enable bad choices but the choices still belong to the individual. You can't just erase free will from the equation here.

Like in OP's situation, where is the line between the parents enabling this sister by letting her live with them and supporting her financially, and the sister CHOOSING to remain dependent on her parents? It is hard to say, but you can't argue it's all the fault of the parents. It's shared. The sister could decide tomorrow "I don't want to live this way." She probably sometimes has thoughts about it because very few people will respect someone in their 30s who is living like that -- she probably has friends and peers who openly criticize her for it. But she keeps choosing it, because it is easier than making some effort to live independently. Even just getting an easy job and continuing to live with her parents, but working 30 hours a week in retail or something with no barriers to entry and saving her income. Anything. This is a choice she is making, likely because she expects/hopes to get her parents' home and most of their money when they die. It is a choice.[/quote]

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