Reply to s/o how did your affair at work start

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Saw each other at the gym regularly. Started joking around. Became friends.  Progressed to talking about how each of us was unhappy with our sex lives.[/quote]

Met him at his work place.  Ditto on started joking around, became friends, and progressed to talking about how each of us was unhappy with our sex lives.  We also shared other things like our dreams in life and our hopes and fears.  We wondered, how did we get here and is this all there is in life? Both of us were going through a mid-life crisis I think.  I had recently lost my dad and his dad was in a nursing home recovering from a severe stroke.

At a place right now where I really regret what happened.  He was married with young kids and his wife found out.  [b]I am still married with kids and my husband never knew.[/b]  Caused a lot of damage for both of our families.  Part of me did love him and anguished over him losing his family.  We broke it off soon after his wife found out and I haven't spoken to him since.  [/quote]

[b]Why do you stay married to your husband?  How do you feel looking at him and knowing all the drama in the background?[/b][/quote]

I am still married because I love my husband and my children. [b] I was at a difficult place and our relationship was strained before, during, and shortly after the affair[/b].  With the affair aside, I was able to refocus on fixing what was wrong with me and my marriage.  It would hurt my husband to tell him now and the past is in the past.  To stir up everything would just create drama. [/quote]

If you tell him, he might leave.  But how are you being fair to him if the minute the marriage was strained you went into the arms of another man?  [/quote]

Been married just over 20 years.  That's a reasonable amount of time of our share of ups and downs.  I think your perception of me bailing as soon as our marriage became strained is grossly ill informed and naive.

I think a better description of what happened is when tragedies hit families, problem areas are often magnified.  I had a real difficult time after the death of my dad and felt disconnected from my DH because he didn't support me the way I needed at the time.  I was hurt and became drawn to someone who showed me compassion.  As the friendship grew and as the OM became flirtatious with me, I also began feeling desired again.  I liked the attention the other man gave me.  I was selfish and I should have stopped things before they got as far down the road as they did. [/quote]

Well that makes it different, doesn't it.  You forgot to mention the part about being a coward.[/quote]

I think the harder thing to do is to keep it to myself.  I think I would feel better if everything was out in the open.  However, there would cause hurt for my husband and probably my children.  To unleash my burden now would be truly selfish and won't undo anything.  No ones perfect and I admit I made a mistake.  I am moving forward with life.[/quote]

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