Reply to Am I out of line? Not wanting to celebrate DC's graduation if they don't have a job lined up

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. Yeah my kid isn’t putting in a lot of effort (really, any effort) towards finding a job either. And I am very unhappy about that. And we will not enable it by providing financial support after graduation if they are unemployed unless something serious and outside their control happens. It may be that mid June is FAFO time for DS.

BUT, if your kid graduated from HS 4 years ago like mine did, they missed out on any real HS graduation. Which makes this college graduation doubly special in my mind. That him means we will set aside our disappointment about not finding a job for a weekend, focus on the positives and gather as a family (grandparents, aunts, his sis bling, etc included) to celebrate 4 (and to some extent 8) years of hard work and him getting a college degree.

Failure to secure a job is a separate issue from graduation and the outlines of what we will and will not do if DS is unemployed after graduation were discussed at fall break, and were reiterated at winter break. DS knows we are serious about him attending grad school or getting a job. And, he may be in for a rough, “do you want fries with that?”  summer.

But COVID robbed our family, which is spread across the Eastern seaboard, of the celebration his sister got when she graduated from HS.  And it taught us that life is too short and too unpredictable not to grab the moments when we can gather as a family and celebrate— and enjoy every single minute.  If he still doesn’t have a job, graduation weekend isn’t the time to deal with that.  The problems will still be there when graduation is over.

I can’t imagine telling a kid who missed HS graduation and missed a normal start to college that we are also robbing him of our love and support during his college graduation. And I can’t imagine after living through COVID not gathering the grandparents (who, let’s face it, only have so much time left with us) and extended family and celebrating.

So yes OP. I understand your disappointment. I’m living it right now. But, refusing to show up for your kid at such an important milestone— especially a kid who lost important milestones to COVID? You suck OP. [/quote]

I'm sorry you are mad at your kid for not having a job at graduation?

Have you interviewed lately for a first job? Have you even tried using the internet for jobs ie black hole?

While I agree no kid should sit around and can be working for McDonalds or Wendy's while they wait for something better to hit.

However, parents nowadays are ridiculous.

[b]You send your kids OOS pay ridiculous tuition payments send little Jonny or Sally on every single trip spring break etc and you blame them for not havin a job when they graduate.

Did you once go to the career center before they accepted admission? Did you once discuss with them what happens if they don't get a job in their chosen major? [/b]

You people are insane. You did this not your kid.

[/quote]

As it pertains to my kid, you could not be more wrong. What makes you think you have any clue as to our parenting style, financial support and expectations of our kids? For example, for senior year spring break, my kid is… spending a long weekend with his favorite aunt and then going back to school early to finish his senior research project. Such extravagant luxury. /s. My other kid is incredibly on top of things and is on track to graduate the following year with a great job in hand.  Different kids, different issues.

Kids screw up. Mine appears to be in the process of doing so. And it’s tough to watch if you are a parent and know they are headed for trouble, but they aren’t listening. But, as I frequently tell my kids, once you turn 18, you stop getting consequences from mom and dad and start getting them from life. And, I suspect come June, life is going to hit my kid with some consequences.  And it sucks— for him and for us, because no one likes to watch their kid flounder. But, I’m not enabling him by installing him in the basement apartment rent free and supporting him until he decides to find a job.

But all of this is separate from graduation.  His job search leaves a lot to be desired (like, say, him actually writing a resume). But, he worked hard for his degree and worked hard in HS and got no graduation.  And no matter how much he screw up, he gets my love and emotional support. That doesn’t get take. Away because he screws up.   And, I can’t imagine not showing up for him at graduation.

Graduation and employment are separate issues. And we will approach them as such.

But nope, I’m not accepting responsibility for my adult kid’s poor choices in this matter. It’s not fair to us as parents. And it’s not fair to him. Eventually, he’ll have to grow up and accept some responsibility.  At 22 with a college degree, it’s time. [/quote]

Wait, you think the screwup kid is going back to school early to do a project? They’re going back early to game all day and smoke dope or whatever it is slackers do at college—away from your eyes and nagging. Been there, done that. [/quote]

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