Reply to Am I out of line? Not wanting to celebrate DC's graduation if they don't have a job lined up

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. Yeah my kid isn’t putting in a lot of effort (really, any effort) towards finding a job either. And I am very unhappy about that. And we will not enable it by providing financial support after graduation if they are unemployed unless something serious and outside their control happens. It may be that mid June is FAFO time for DS.

BUT, if your kid graduated from HS 4 years ago like mine did, they missed out on any real HS graduation. Which makes this college graduation doubly special in my mind. That him means we will set aside our disappointment about not finding a job for a weekend, focus on the positives and gather as a family (grandparents, aunts, his sis bling, etc included) to celebrate 4 (and to some extent 8) years of hard work and him getting a college degree.

Failure to secure a job is a separate issue from graduation and the outlines of what we will and will not do if DS is unemployed after graduation were discussed at fall break, and were reiterated at winter break. DS knows we are serious about him attending grad school or getting a job. And, he may be in for a rough, “do you want fries with that?”  summer.

But COVID robbed our family, which is spread across the Eastern seaboard, of the celebration his sister got when she graduated from HS.  And it taught us that life is too short and too unpredictable not to grab the moments when we can gather as a family and celebrate— and enjoy every single minute.  If he still doesn’t have a job, graduation weekend isn’t the time to deal with that.  The problems will still be there when graduation is over.

I can’t imagine telling a kid who missed HS graduation and missed a normal start to college that we are also robbing him of our love and support during his college graduation. And I can’t imagine after living through COVID not gathering the grandparents (who, let’s face it, only have so much time left with us) and extended family and celebrating.

So yes OP. I understand your disappointment. I’m living it right now. But, refusing to show up for your kid at such an important milestone— especially a kid who lost important milestones to COVID? You suck OP. [/quote]

I'm sorry you are mad at your kid for not having a job at graduation?

Have you interviewed lately for a first job? Have you even tried using the internet for jobs ie black hole?

While I agree no kid should sit around and can be working for McDonalds or Wendy's while they wait for something better to hit.

However, parents nowadays are ridiculous.

You send your kids OOS pay ridiculous tuition payments send little Jonny or Sally on every single trip spring break etc and you blame them for not havin a job when they graduate.

Did you once go to the career center before they accepted admission? Did you once discuss with them what happens if they don't get a job in their chosen major?

You people are insane. You did this not your kid.

[/quote]

No,  it’s not my fault. And, I’m not interested in DCUM gaslighting. You don’t know the circumstances here. But, it’s definitely not news to my kid that he needs an employable degree (which he is getting) and that he is expected to get a job (or be actively trying to get a job) or go to grad school upon graduation. If he’s not, then there are consequences.  I’m not excusing my kid’s failure to make any real effort to find a job. But one of the consequences f him not doing so is not us blowing off graduation. Even when he screws up, which certainly seems to be happening here, he still gets unconditional love and our emotional support.  And that includes showing up and not ruining graduation.

Financial support is a different issue. And we will deal with it at a different time. [/quote]

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