Reply to Secretly starting to resent husband and all the care of his elderly mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this isn't the best place to be asking for advice or venting. Many posters are incredibly selfish. Life is all about them, how dare any family member intrude into their lives.

The reality is that your husband's mother is in a demanding position with her dementia. You can't abandon her to the state. Someone does have to be there to make the decisions.  Your husband is doing what is right and just.

It will pass in due time. [/quote]

Red flag. The word "selfish" is thrown like a dagger to manipulate people into feeling guilty for having boundaries. Reject that manipulation. You have a right to outsource. The health of the family you create comes first. I don't know about you, but I was left with any sitter who was breathing and over the age of 8 as a kid and fended for myself a lot. Even pulling back he will be providing a lot better care than many of us received as kids.

I did not set boundaries for too long and my health and the mental and physical health of one of my kids suffered greatly. I made a mistake and re-calibrated. Mom is well cared for by people trained to deal with her. We have someone trained to advocate and make medical decisions. When I see her I no longer feel angry, burned out and resentful and when she gets difficult, I can leave and know she has a professional ally.[/quote]

Funny, I think “boundaries” is a word people throw around when they want to be selfish and shirk their responsibilities.[/quote]

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