Reply to Disagreement regarding telling our kids we are divorcing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is one you need to ask the family counselor about. Like others say, you only tell kids things that are in their benefit to know.

I have a friend currently going through a divorce, and the circumstances are so messed up and out of left field, that the kids could tell something major had happened. So when the parents were saying stuff like "we both decided we didn't love each other like that anymore", their 11 and 14 year old knew something was up. And were being consumed by the stress and guilt of thinking they did something.  So the family counselor said in that case it was okay to tell them a very PG version of what dad did, so they stopped wondering. [/quote]

“We both decided” isn’t fair to one spouse if it’s not true.[/quote]

I agree. I did not /would not gaslight my children. They don’t need to know the details but “dad decided he wants to live somewhere else” and then they meet the girlfriend - I mean- kids aren’t stupid. Allowing them to build a relationship with their dad that would require me to lie just wasn’t going to happen. [/quote]

It's never that simple. Why stop there? Why did Dad decide to live somewhere else? Should you tell your kids that part too. Or do you stop at the part where you seem to be blameless. There are always two sides to the story: while your side may have more truth to it, are you sure the kids will take your word for it after the cheating spouse has told them their side?

Let the kids find out for themselves who their parents are.[/quote]

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