Reply to How to navigate care for aging parent(s) when siblings live elsewhere?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you really need to step back and see the big picture. I started doing the same thing because it happens so gradually you just sort of get sucked in and all of sudden you realize your life is revolving around your parents instead of your spouse/partner and kids. After 4 months of going over every single day to my mother I was exhausted and cranky.

I went to the doctor and he realized my health had declined, my mood had declined, my blood pressure had never been elevated and it was higher, etc. He said he sees so many middle aged women who say they are just going to temporarily help their parents then a year goes by then its five years later and their physical and mental health has drastically deteriorated and no one ends up being happy - not even the elderly parents. He said just stop. Do whatever it takes to pull back and prioritize me, my spouse and kids.

So I did. You are missing out and ruining your relationship with your kids. You need to start thinking - your parents are a fall risk and have memory issues. So do millions of other seniors who live alone. Worst case scenario one parent falls and they call 911.

I had to learn how to lie, massively and unabashedly lie to my parents, siblings and elderly relatives in order to step back because once you are entrenched your siblings will become resentful when you pull back even though they haven't done anything to help.You end up looking worse when all you did was help out. So I invented I had Covid and took a break, then migraines, other health issues, busy at work/ work schedule changed, child care issues, issues with spouse, issues with home like need to be home due to plumbing issue, electrical issue, car trouble, etc. But in the end it worked. My mother had to start paying for help and a sibling has to manage that not me. [/quote]

Whoa, so your mom had no problem with this? She expected you to be her help to the detriment of your health. I'm so sorry. Hope that your mood and health have improved. [/quote]

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