Reply to How to navigate care for aging parent(s) when siblings live elsewhere?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You made the choice to move into your parents house and take this on.

They are making the choice not to do that.

Both choices are valid.   [/quote]

OP, you can also make the choice to move further away than your brothers. (This is almost always a sister, and it is a pattern that repeats over and over and over again.)

The only tenable solution for longterm is one that involves all the progeny, if it involves any of them. If your siblings will not step up, you must make them step up. If not, you will be setting yourself on fire to keep the place warm, and you will burn to ashes.

Over and over and over again.

[/quote]

You cannot make adults do what they don't want to do. [/quote]

I think what this poster means is.. as long as you keep doing it, the other siblings will not step up. Set your boundaries. Tell them no more. Tell them exactly what needs to be done. "There's a cardiology appt on March 17, I can't go, you two figure it out. Mom needs diapers, send them. Taxes need to be filed and paid, the mail is in the living room for you to sort out."

Your parents need to be in assisted living, OP. I'm living this life with the same deadbeat siblings and it's time to tell your parents enough is enough. I know how painful that is and I have a mother who verbally beats me up every single day for this decision, but trying to helping her live independently nearly killed me and robbed my young kids of the best parts of me. You have a lot more life to live than they do. Your family needs you and the priority is you and your family unit.     [/quote]

ICYMI: most people can’t afford assisted living.

I know a single person who pays $11k per month for assisted living. [/quote]
DP here 
[b]Then they spend down all their assets and go into a Medicaid home. [/quote][/b]

This is what will happen to my parents. I watched my dad do it to my grandmother, so I'm not going to give up my life and my own family (including my young kids who need college savings) because my parents were financially irresponsible my whole life. I'm working on driving the decisions they don't want to make but really have no other choice (signing over PoA, selling their house, putting the proceeds into a trust managed by siblings and me to spend down on their care, moving them into some kind of multi-tier AL with skilled nursing and a memory care unit because they'll need it...for as long as the $$ lasts).

Currently, my sister is the local support and they're on the West Coast; they're still fairly independent, but in any case, I'd never stick her in OP's situation. Most likely our parents will have to move to the east coast, into an AL they'll fight us on, to which I am geographically the closest. Siblings will travel here periodically to share the burden. I'm the oldest and the "mean one" -- also the only one with kids -- and nobody has any better solution. So, this is roughly what siblings and I have agreed on and it's how it will go. It's really just how it must go. [/quote]

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