Reply to Estrangement from parents causing them to reach out more in really weird and surface-level ways?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Estrangement from parents causing them to reach out more in really weird and surface-level ways?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, ignore the rude comments, those people have no clue what it is like to have emotionally unavailable parents like that.  I understand you.  Your parents seems so superficial, so fake, that's because they are wired that way, they have "avoidant attachment" style, which means they avoid emotions at all cost, emotions make them feeling so uncomfortable.  So when you ask them "why don't you address the lies you told", they feel that enormous amount of emotion and they can't handle it at all.  Their definition of love is "avoid my emotions" or "only show positive emotions" at all times, this also means they see any display of negative emotion as "hate".  I know, it sounds so weird, doesn't it?  There are some good podcasts on this.  People with avoidant attachment style are the worst!  They raise troubled kids who grow up to be emotionally unhealthy adult (in other words, kids with hurt feelings who never get their hurt feelings addressed grow up to be hurt adults).  Commenters who say "how can you do this to your parents when you have kids yourself" are simply ignorant.

For avoidant adults, social interactions and bonds remain on the surface. In order for a relationship to be meaningful and fulfilling, it has to become deep. That’s when you would "hit a wall" when dealing with avoidant attachment style and relationships.

You want to address what they did that hurt you deeply, not because you hate them, but because you love them and you long for their love in return.  But you've "hit a wall".  Your parents are incapable of dealing with your emotions, they seem you as weak, hateful and mean.  That's why they can say "i hope we can put our past behind us".  How can you put the past behind you when they don't even admit doing anything wrong?  What's the "past" then?!

To the avoidant adult, emotional closeness and intimacy are often off the table. Not because they will not reap benefits, but because they do not know how. Either way, not being able to build a deep, meaningful, and long-lasting relationship can be painful for people with this attachment style. It can also be heart-breaking for the ones who love them.

OP, do you think your parents are avoidant?  Certainly sounds like it to me.  I am sorry you have to deal with this.  It's NOT your fault!

Typed this really fast, please excuse any typos or grammar error.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics