Reply to Broken Marriage, Different Places on Where to Go

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s really hard for me to say anything because I don’t know what kind of conflicts led you to this place.  At some point you loved this person and married, and you have a special needs child which makes divorce harder.

What positive outcomes do you think are going to come out of a divorce?[/quote]

[b]I don't want a divorce. I think it would make things harder for everyone. [/b]

I guess my more specific problem is that every month or two, usually after talking with her therapist, she seems to go through a phase where she wants something closer to a traditional marriage. It is hard to say exactly what it is she wants, though, because she will also acknowledge at those times that that is not going to happen.[/quote]

I mean, you're saying this, but you are also saying that you find her physical presence unbearable. I think when you say you don't want a divorce you mean that you still want to co-parent with no expectation of a marital relationship.

I don't know what to tell you to do, but in your situation it seems like the arrangement where the kids stay in the same house and the parents rotate to an apartment might work (is that nesting?). Or if the house is big enough one of you leaves the marital bedroom and you basically separate while under the same roof. This can work. You just have to both be committed to the parenting relationship above all else.[/quote]

Yes, that's exactly what I was trying to say.

We've had separate bedrooms for a long time. The nesting concept wouldn't work for both financial and logistical reasons. As I've said, the one child's support needs are significant.

The issue is getting more complete acceptance that the marital relationship is gone and never coming back.[/quote]

Why did you have separate BRs for years?

Snoring? Different work schedules? Different sleep schedules? Hatred of each other? One needs to be in SM kids room?

Why?

There are valid and fine reasons. It’s quite common to have separate beds, ask any real estate broker [/quote]

Physical distance reduces conflict. We generally avoid being in the same room during  the day unless we're doing something that requires it.[/quote]

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