Reply to Family wants DH to chip in to help SIL buy house that costs more than ours

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So if the family is middle eastern, then brothers/father are responsible for the well being of unmarried sister and her children, I think.  I do not know how this applies if the sister's spouse is not dead but divorced her. OP, this is complicated. I had a colleague who was widowed suddenly many years ago, her middle eastern husband had most of the assets in his sister's name or she was the beneficiary. Luckily her kids were grown, so she didn't face decades of expenses, but it was a very harsh shock to find it out. My friend is a professional in a respectable career, but he took care of the bills and she never asked questions about assets, etc.

Sending you good vibes, but not sure what would help in practical terms. If you are from same culture you can and should ask your own family for guidance. If you are not - watch your back on any financials however you can. E.g. until you've seen his agreement with sister if it's an "investment" reserve the right to veto it. This of course assumes that you can veto stuff in your relationship or that the resources are joint.  Be prepared to burn some social capital with his family if you refuse - you'll be the bad apple. In the end it all depends if your feelings are more important to your husband than family disapproval...[/quote]

Well-being doesn't mean she gets a nicer house than her brothers have for themselves FFS.

Watch your back, OP, and [b]move fast to make your assets unavailable[/b].[/quote]

I am the quoted PP. Yes, I agree with you. On here, we all agree that it's ridiculous. But that don't matter. What matters is how that specific family and cultural/social circle defines well being.  I am not saying OP should be OK with it. I wouldn't be. But agreement of internet strangers will not help her. What will help her is to find some kind of tools or leverage on how to influence her DH's decision in a way that he would understand and can get behind.

The bolded part is written by someone who doesn't have assets and never moved them:) Sorry:)))  She can't. It's not a $150 from a joint account. This is not how it works. And even if she empties a joint bank account with a large sum, what do you think will happen next? She can't hide it anywhere where a forensic accountant won't find it, without resorting to some shady scheme.  What do you think will that do to her marriage? Any potential division of joint property and agreements on children?

This is a long game that's played very softly and strategically. OP, time for you or your close relative to get a very complex and potentially deadly diagnosis that's very costly to treat. This gives DH a way out without losing face, since culturally he'd be responsible for that as well and his fam can't argue with it. I am being creative here, but hey, so it the sister wanting the mansion...[/quote]

No, I'm not saying to hide it. But OP needs to start right now thinking of how to make money unavailable to SIL but in ways that are socially acceptable and acceptable to her DH. Such as putting more in the kids' 529 plans and in retirement savings. Or spending it on her own home maintenance projects. This is exactly what I do to keep money unavailable to my DH's mooching, irresponsible siblings. [/quote]

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